#but I won’t assume that’s how it is just from those few things I’ve seen

[kaninchen-reblogs]

I’m not entirely sure how to word this correctly cuz brain currently scrampled egg but I feel like being on the aro/ace spectrum as a transfem is incredibly frustrating when the majority of online transfem spaces are very hypersexual

Like on one hand, trans women are constantly told by society that they’re undesirable except when they’re objectified and chased, so the act of taking their sexualization into their own hands is super important and I’m legitimately glad that trans girls can find spaces online where they can be unabashedly horny in a liberating way.

On the other hand, you can’t look up “transgender” on this site without getting 80% porn bots and 20% discourse, I can’t share [animal]girl[bodypart] blogs to my ace friends without them being jumpscared by the most recent post being uncensored explicit imagery, and a big chunk of the online white anglo-centric transfem culture now is being super horny, alongside NEET-posting, blahaj, and striped socks.

Like I’m on the ace spectrum but I’m sex-positive and not bothered by the horny stuff so it doesn’t affect me too much. But I cannot imagine how alienating it must feel to be aromatic, asexual, and/or sex-repulsed as a transfem and your only other option is the sanitized, infantilized “uwu im anxious eepy baby with shark plush” meme-space. And I’m aware that HRT affects libido — ever since I started it, it’s definitely gone up, so I can’t blame people for needing an outlet.

I mean I guess that speaks to how you can never be “truly” inclusive in a space because something will always be exclusive to another person. Idk I just wish the world was safer for transfems from all walks of life, and there were more spaces for us to be proud of ourselves without it falling into “super horny”, “discourse”, or “ultra-sanitized”.

[albertstrustie]

Something a bit different for you. I have a feeling my readers will like it. I know I do.

Let me know if you would like to see other fanfics from other fandoms.

—

Simon, like others who’d spent their lives dodging bullets, bombs, and knives, had trouble sleeping. You realized this the first night you stayed with him. When you woke, he was lying in the exact same position as before, his eyes bloodshot and the bags beneath them even darker. When you asked if he’d slept, he simply said he’d been thinking. It was never a satisfying answer, but you didn’t pry. He didn’t want you worrying about his nightmares. “It’s my problem to fix, not yours,” he’d say.

Simon would lie awake for hours, staring at the wall, the ceiling, or sometimes even at you. The feel of your body pressed against his was the only thing that helped him drift off for a few hours. The steady rhythm of your heartbeat, the softness of your skin, the brush of your hair—it all seemed to soothe him.

“Why do you stare at me when you think I’m asleep?” Your words startled him, and you could tell by the way he tensed beside you. “I’m not mad,” you added, your tone gentle. “I’m just curious why you find me so captivating that you’d sacrifice your sleep to look at me.”

There was no harshness in your question; you were genuinely intrigued. It felt surreal that someone would find you so peaceful to watch, enough to miss their own rest. Simon assumed you were teasing him, as if no one in their right mind could believe a man like him might feel such things. But when you rolled over and looked straight into his eyes, he saw that you meant every word.

"You really want to know?" he asked in that familiar, gruff drawl.

"Of course," you said, nodding.

He sighed, his gaze softening in a way you rarely saw. "The only reason I don’t sleep... is because of you. I’m scared if I close my eyes, I’ll open them and you won’t be here. That’s why I stay up—to make sure you’re really here with me. And in the morning, when I wake, I watch you sleep, just to be sure you’re still next to me."

His words hit you deep. Your heart, your very soul, shattered at the rawness of his confession. This wasn’t like the empty promises of past flings—the guy from the bar who had a girlfriend, or that childhood crush who turned out to be a disappointment. No, this was Simon. Simon—Ghost, if he was in one of his moods. With him, honesty wasn’t a choice; it was all he knew, shaped by a lifetime of loyalty and hard truths.

“Oh, Simon.” You scooted closer, wrapping yourself around him, your face pressed against his chest. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“I know. I know.” His hand moved to your hair, fingers gently threading through it, softening even more as he traced the strands.

This was a familiar scene—him sharing something raw, you tearing up, and then him comforting you with “it’s okay” even though it never truly was. He deserved every good thing, yet all he could see was darkness. And not just ordinary darkness, but brutal, soul-crushing shadows. He ran his hand down your shoulder, then back up, the warmth of his touch healing something deep within you.

You closed your eyes, focusing on the rise and fall of his chest, grounding yourself in his presence. It was calm. Peaceful.

“You know,” you began softly, then hesitated.

“What?” he asked, his thumb brushing gently over your wet bottom lip.

“I like watching you, too,” you confessed, pressing a kiss to the pad of his thumb.

Simon looked away, a flicker of discomfort crossing his face. “You shouldn’t.”

“Yes, I should.” You cupped his cheek, guiding his gaze back to you. “You’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen.”

“I’m not beautiful.”

“You are,” you whispered, “and I love you.”

He shuddered, as he always did when you laid your heart bare. He couldn’t fathom how someone like him could be loved by someone like you. But he kept those words to himself, and instead, his thumb brushed away a tear trailing down your cheek.

“You shouldn’t.”

You didn’t take his words to heart. You knew his demons, knew the weight he carried. He might not believe he deserved you, but you’d spend forever making him feel like the most important man in the world—because to you, he was.

“I should. And I do.” You kissed his cheek, then his lips. “I love you, Simon. All of you. The good and the bad, even the nightmares and the secrets you wish I didn’t know. I love it all. I love you.”

Simon’s breathing was uneven. He wasn’t used to this—your affection, your warmth. He wasn’t used to hearing “I love you.” The last person who’d ever said those words to him had been his mother, the only woman who’d ever shown him kindness. Until now.

But here you were, making him feel wanted, appreciated, loved. You pressed gentle kisses to every inch of his exposed skin, and he watched you, mesmerized. You kissed his cheeks, his eyes, his nose, his forehead, his neck. Your fingers were soft, tracing each muscle, each scar, each part of him that he himself couldn’t bear to look at.

“Do you believe me?” you murmured, pressing a delicate kiss to his lips.

Simon couldn’t find the words, so you continued, undeterred. You kissed down his neck, following the steady thrum of his pulse. Sometimes you’d press two fingers there, just to feel it, to remind yourself that he was here with you—whole, alive, not blown apart or bearing fresh wounds.

You kissed over his tattoo, the one that symbolized a brotherhood and a past he couldn’t escape. Your hair spilled over his shoulders as your hands rested on his stomach, and he watched as you traced the scars, the ink, every mark he hated.

He watched as you loved him, piece by piece.

You felt the way his skin shivered under your touch, saw the way his pupils flared as he stared at you, lips parted, breath coming in shallow pants. You continued your trail of kisses, savoring every inch of him, letting the words he needed sink in.

“I love you,” you murmured, over and over, knowing he needed to hear it, maybe more than he’d ever let on.

You slid up his worn T-shirt, pressing your lips to the hard plane of his stomach, following the faint line of hair that began at his navel and led lower. You felt his muscles tense beneath your touch, his breath hitching, heat radiating off him in waves.

“I love you,” you said, the words muffled against the strained fabric of his pants, and a deep, aching sound escaped him. His body reacted instantly, tightening under your hands.

“You don’t—” he began, almost protesting.

“But I do,” you insisted, meeting his gaze, steady and unyielding. “Let me show you. Let me show you how much I love you.”

He swallowed hard and gave a slight nod, letting you ease his bottoms down along with his briefs.

You took his cock in your hands and marveled at how pretty it was. Simon was a big man, and his cock was not only a reflection that—but truly a work of art. Long and thick, with a vein on the underside and an angry mushroomed head. His balls hung low and were covered with a thin layer of dark, coarse hair. You leaned down and took him into your mouth, feeling his warmth, tasting him, letting yourself drown in it.

Simon cursed under his breath, hips arching despite himself, overcome by the heat and softness of your mouth. He whispered his amazement, his voice rough, his throat dry as he tried to speak.

Your tongue traced his length, taking him deeper, the thickness filling you, his pubic hair brushing your nose as you lost yourself in the sensation of him. His scent, the taste of him, filled your senses, making you lose yourself completely. Your saliva slicked his cock, and the more you moved your head up and down, the wetter and sloppier it got.

“Fuck,” he groaned, fingers threading tightly through your hair, his breaths coming faster now. You could tell he was close, but you wanted him in a way that left words behind—a kind of love spoken only through touch. Letting his length slip from your mouth, you watched it fall against his stomach, drawing a raw sound from deep in his chest.

His gaze was heavy, half-lidded and heated, and as you began to undress, he licked his lips, his eyes trailing over every inch of bare skin revealed.

“I love you,” you murmured, pressing a kiss to his chest, right above the place where his heart beat strong and steady.

Taking his hands, you placed them on your body, letting his large, rough palms explore. The feel of his touch sent a shiver up your spine, and a soft moan slipped from your lips as he cupped your breasts, his thumbs circling and teasing your hardened nipples. You arched into his touch, barely holding back, wanting him more deeply than you could stand.

“You’re beautiful,” he breathed, his voice rough with desire, and you shook your head.

“No, you’re more,” you whispered before leaning down, capturing his lips and silencing his protest with a kiss, swallowing the sound of his moan as he gave in to you.

You reached down, wrapping your fingers around him, stroking slowly, savoring the way his hips bucked, his breath hitching with each caress. He was hard, pulsing, the tip flushed and slick. Finally, you moved over him, sinking down onto his length, and a deep, shared groan passed between you, filling the quiet room as you took him fully, every part of you bound together.

His arms wrapped around you, and your bodies were plastered together. “You’re beautiful. Inside and out. You’re everything good in this world,” you murmured, pressing your lips gently to his temple.

“Don’t,” he whispered, shaking his head, his face buried in the curve of your neck, as though hiding from the truth in your words.

But you didn’t stop. You couldn’t. Not when it came to Simon.

“You’re strong, handsome, brave… courageous.” You lifted yourself, feeling the way he pulsed within you, then sank down again, creating a rhythm that left both of you breathless. “You’re everything. And I love you. Tell me I’m right.”

He shook his head again, his body trembling beneath you, and you could feel his restraint, his need to resist, begin to unravel.

“Tell me,” you pleaded, moving faster, harder, each motion drawing him deeper into you.

“I��I… You’re right.” His voice was strained, a rough whisper as his arms tightening around you, grounding himself.

Your face was buried into his pillow, drool sinking into the soft, cotton case that smelt entirely of his shampoo—but that didn’t stop you either. “And you’re beautiful.”

He only let out something between a moan and a grunt.

“Say it,” you urged softly, your voice barely a whisper.

“I’m beautiful.”

You pulled away to kiss his reddened cheeks, holding him close as his eyes clenched shut, his body tense, every muscle taut beneath you.

“Come for me,” you whispered, and those words broke him. He shuddered as he reached his release, holding you tighter, pouring himself into you, and the feeling of him filling you brought you over the edge too. The release was overwhelming, a shattering wave that left you both clutching each other, chests heaving, bodies entwined.

You ran your fingers through his hair, looking down at him as he gazed back, his eyes now clear, softer, filled with something unspoken but deeply felt.

“I love you,” you murmured, pressing gentle kisses to his cheeks, his nose.

“I love you too.” His voice was tender, and the kiss you shared held all the words you didn’t need to say.

[xbellaxcarolinax]

pls do virgin miguel o'hara w/ a huge cock and fucks both of u dumb 🥹

I hope this is what you meant, babe. Miguel might be ooc, idk, anyway, here ya go:

NSFW below the cut, minors DNI.

Nothing could have ever prepared you for this.

He's big—massive even. The head’s swollen, precome beading at the very tip. All that from a heavy makeout session.

You stared, almost fascinated, stunned into silence.

"...is it okay?" Miguel grunted, watching you carefully with nervous eyes. He was sitting rather uncomfortably at the edge of your bed, legs spread apart and briefs pooled around his ankles.

"Uhh…yeah," you sank to your knees in front of him, "just never seen one so...big." Miguel grew increasingly flustered at your words, even more so when you gripped him firmly in your hand, squeezing ever so slightly. His cock looked ridiculous in your small hands but that only fueled you to take up the challenge. You knew it'd hurt so good.

You bit your lip before devouring him, taking as much of him as you could. He choked, hand flying to grip your hair, and you were certain he’d take the lead and move you over his cock at the speed he desired, but he didn’t. His fingers were gentle, almost hesitant as he buried them within the strands.

It was your first time tasting him. You got lost in it, slobbering over the tip and down his shaft with the intention of taking him whole but he pushed you away, causing you to release him with a pop.

“Fuck, cariño,” Miguel panted, shaking his head, his dark hair damp with sweat, “I can’t—you can’t—it’s too much, I won’t last.”

You looked up at him with a teary gaze, wanting to make eye contact but he refused, content with turning his head to the side to look at the wall.

“Mig?” He ignored you, jaw clenched and nose flared as he fisted the sheets under him.

“Miguel,” you tried again, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand as you stood. He ignored you still and you grabbed his face in your hands, forcing him to meet your eyes, “what’s wrong?” You smoothed his hair away from his brow, hoping the action would soothe him. His eyes were lidded but he looked at you, brows arched.

“What’s wrong, baby?” You cooed.

"I don't know what I'm doing." He muttered, shutting his eyes as soon as the words left his lips.

"What do you mean?" You questioned, pressing your lips to his forehead in a chaste kiss, "you’re supposed to sit and enjoy.”

“That’s not what I mean,” he sounded frustrated, his large hands falling to your hips, gripping you tightly, “I’ve…never done any of this before.” You paused, processing his words while stroking your thumbs over his high cheekbones. 

He’s never done this before? Had no one ever sucked his cock?

Did he mean…?

Oh. OH.

“You mean you’re a…?”

“Virgin. Yeah.” He finally said, dropping his into the plushness of your breasts. 

The last thing you assumed was that Miguel O’Hara was a virgin. The man was the very definition of confidence. You’ve seen how women acted around him. It never crossed your mind that he lacked any sexual encounters. But now it made sense. You’ve been dating Miguel for a few weeks and within those few weeks, you did nothing more than kiss like the world demanded it from you. That was fine; he was an excellent kisser.

Anytime it seemed like something more would come from the kissing, he’d stop, nipping it in the bud, saying he had work in the morning. He was a busy man and, well, that was that. You thought he never had much time for anything else.

But you understood now.

“Ahh Mig, nothing to be embarrassed about,” you said sweetly, brushing the tip of your nose with his, “we can stop if you want—”

“No!” He roared, bringing you down to his lap. You could feel his erection, hot and wet with your spit, pressing hard against your clothed core. You gasped, letting your hands fall to his shoulders as he buried his face into your neck, “Don’t wanna stop. Wanna feel you.”

“Yeah?” you breathed, eyes fluttering as he nibbled your skin, “a-are you sure? If you’re not ready then—”

“I’m ready,” He growled, pressing his brow against yours, “just thought you should know, cariño. Don’t want to disappoint you.”

You rode him for what felt like hours, his giant cock slamming into where you needed him the most. You ached from the stretch of him, your cunt swollen and raw, gushing all over his length. He was a moaning mess, biting every surface of you he could: your neck, your shoulders, your collarbones, your breasts. He was insatiable, cumming within minutes of your pussy swallowing his cock. Refractory period non-existent. He’d go again and again and again till he painted you completely with his spend and you were too fucked out to speak.

Nope. He didn’t disappoint. Not even a little.

[xoxochb]

⋆·˚ ༘ * a light that never goes out

warnings: none pairing: luke castellan x daughter of apollo a/n: I’ve decided to stop writing in all lowercase because it’s becoming a bad habit and I need to break it

Luke Castellan was the center of your thoughts along with many other girls at camp (specifically aphrodite girls. You assumed because they were gorgeous and he was gorgeous so it was ‘a perfect match’). But you often wonder what made you so special. Out of all the pretty girls at camp Luke could have he chose to talk to you of all people. You were simply just a daughter of Apollo, nothing special- the best you could do was archery and that’s not entirely helpful for much

However- unbeknownst to you- Luke didn’t care if you were great at archery and sucked at everything else, it had to have been at the bottom of the list of things he cared about. All he knew was that you were on the very top of the list and you weren’t going to leave it

Your gaze lingers on the son of Hermes for quite too long to be classified as friends. But you were. Your longing lovestruck gaze a clear sign to absolutely everyone that you were in love with him. What were your chances though? You didn’t have many. You still woke up everyday with some hope that Luke Castellan would reciprocate your feelings

From across the pavilion your eyes meet the very boy taking up your thoughts. Your cheeks turn pink and you avery your gaze to your plate, pancakes and a few strawberries

“You are insanely obvious” Will Solace points out

you glare at him and return to your pancakes, taking a stab at a piece to eat. “I don’t know what you’re talking about”

Will scoffs. “You’ve been eyeing Luke since we sat down. Why don’t you just go sit with him? I’m sure he won’t mind”

“I have not been eyeing him, I was thinking and my gaze just happened to land on him” you defend

“Okay. Suit yourself” Will takes a strawberry from your plate and before you can stop him he bites it

You roll your eyes before looking back at Hermes table where you frown at the absence of the counselor. You consider asking Will if he had seen where he went but you knew it would end with a ‘you were looking at him’ talk and Will always wins those

Just as you were about to leave you feel a presence sit before you and to your surprise when you look up your eyes are met with dark ones- belonging to the boy in question

Luke grins and slides a mug towards you. “I saw you didn’t have your coffee yet. Milk and three sugars right?”

Oh gods he knows how you take your coffee! Could he be any more perfect?

you nod, mirroring his expression. “I tried to get some earlier but they were out so I was just going to go back later. I see they found more though”

“Yeah, they’re pretty quick with that” Luke says, playing into your thoughts. They didn’t find more coffee though, he kept an extra stash in his drawer for you incase the camp was ever to run out- he knew you loved your coffee

Will takes notice of the tension and leaves you two alone. Luke doesn’t let the silence last more than a minute,

“What’re you up to today?”

You take a sip of your coffee before responding, “Well I have archery practice after breakfast but after that nothing much. I’ll probably go back to my cabin to read for a while”

Luke nods to show full attention. “I don’t have much on my schedule either. Maybe I could stop by after practice and we can paint? I know you love painting”

“I’m not very good” you laugh softly

“Don’t be ridiculous. you’re great I’ve seen your work”

Your cheeks turn a darker shade of pink, almost red. You assume Luke takes notice of this because his smile grows wider

“I guess we could paint for a little while” you agree

“It’s a date?” Luke suggests

your eyes widen. How oblivious could you have been to not realize he was asking to hang out with you as a date?

“yes- yeah, it’s a date!”

Luke laughs at your flustered demeanor and stands up from his seat. “Great, I’ll see you after!”

You nod and watch as he walks away. You later skipped your way to archery practice while Luke had been rambling to Chris about how he asked you out- a wide smile adorning both your faces while doing so

[mere-mortifer]

♥ Sanji/Reader Rec List ♥

40+ fics & authors suggestions! Click here to view this on a separate web page for easier navigation ♥

Sometimes I’m normal about fictional characters, other times I become psycho-sexually obsessed with them and relentlessly look for fanworks where they get smooched and hugged into oblivion. And by characters I mean Sanji.

So here’s a non-comprehensive list of Sanji/Reader fics that I love, most of them rated Explicit. This got sooo long because I kept finding other works to add while scrolling through my bookmarks and reblogs, it goes to show how good the fandom is! (Assume, unless otherwise stated, that Sanji is more on the sexually submissive side, since I like what I like and seek out that dynamic specifically.)

Authors I love

I’m starting this list with a few mentions of my favorite authors, although I’m sure I’m stating the obvious with most of these and you all know them already. Who cares! Go re-read their stuff! Leave a comment! Give them your money!

1. One Piece Works by @onlymurphy

Not to fall into hyperbole, but I owe OnlyMurphy my life. If you’re here reading this list then surely you love this author already, so this a good excuse to re-read the entire Grow Old With Me series. Sanji’s characterization is top-notch, and if you enjoy explorations of his self worth issues and how they would affect an otherwise loving romantic relationship then look no further. Also the author is a very talented smut writer (very talented writer in general, make no mistake), and that's the greatest accolade I can give them. Imagine me putting a gold metal around their neck but I’m the one who's moved to tears about it.

Honorable mentions for the filthiest-yet-very-romantic works in their catalog:

🌶 Do That Again

🌶 Wildest Dreams

🌶 If I’m Lucky

2. One Piece Works by @citrinae

I’m linking the masterlist for this author ‘cause I really like all their Sanji-centric fics, and I’d love, love, love to see more. Sanji is so princely and devoted, just an absolute dream of a man, and he’s putting a lot of effort into making the reader feel loved. He gets stellar results in my opinion.

3. One Piece Works by @thus-spoke-lo (GoldExperience86 on Ao3)

There are three fics in particular by this author that I couldn’t pick a favorite from if you held me at gunpoint: 

🌶 Let Me Help 

🌶 Worth the Wait

🌶 Dear Diary 

Have you ever read a sex scene so good you bypass getting horny and go straight into mourning, knowing you won’t be able to read it for the first time again? That has not stopped me from reading all these roughly a million times. Click on those links. Look at me in the eyes, listen very carefully: click on those links. I say this because I love you and want you to be happy. 

You will find other fics by them in the rec list because 1) I couldn’t resist and 2) I’m pretty sure they have more things posted on Tumblr than Ao3, at least as separate one-shots.

4. 🌶One Piece Fics by @untolduttering

Author, I know deep in my soul that you love Sanji as much as I do. Fortunately I’m okay with sharing. If anything I'm glad I'm not alone in the trenches.

Check out all her fics and snippets, her writing is incredible and I’ve loved every single thing about Sanji she’s ever posted. Each time I open Tumblr and I see a new post by her, my day gets a little brighter. She writes one of my favorite versions of Sanji ever, insatiable and devoted and so, so hot. He couldn’t be more my type if he tried. 

I want to single out her vampire!Sanji one-shot because I haven’t seen this trope used by anyone else and I liked it a lot! It fits so well, what with the theme of hunger and Sanji’s inability to ask for what he needs:

Hunger 

The meta post that inspired the fic

5. One Piece Works by @fanaticsnail

Fanaticsnail, you’re the only one who has ever made me willingly click on a smut fic that involved Doflamingo just because Sanji was there, too, and I love your Sanji so damn much (p.s.: everyone go read it, 🌶 Seat Number Four).

One of their fics also appears in the Sex Pollen section, and since that one is particularly filthy let me add here two fluffy, romantic fics where Sanji is all cute and flustered by the reader:

Kiss The Cook

Your Flirty Chef

Yearning & Pining

The title of the section is pretty self-explanatory: fics where and the reader are not together, but God knows they want to.

6. 🌶 Wanting by @froggiewrites

This fic…holy shit. I’m genuinely writing this with tears in my eyes. The yearning & pining & longing mixed with the sexual tension so thick you can cut it with a knife makes for a truly incredible read. Only for real Sanji lovers, if you’re not nodding along at each desperate thought the reader insert has about this man then I’m sorry but you’re only a casual Sanji liker.

7. 🌶 My heart is thrilled by the still of your hand by ladyhabanera

[screaming crying throwing up] no yeah I’m very normal about this fic, I like it a totally normal amount. In the Ao3 comments I say that “Sanji is so so dreamy—a heady mix of submissive and deeply romantic”, and then if you scroll a little you find my other comment which is just me yelling in all caps at my second reread. I not only stand by both, but I’m doubling down. 

8. Puzzled by @mynewblackdress

What a lovely series, and what a lovely trope…misunderstandings due to bad communication are as irritating and useless in real life as they are incredibly fun to read about. The reader is convinced that Sanji’s earnest compliments are his fucked up way of making fun of her, and it takes a while before they figure out that he means every word. Give it a read if you want a break from the sea of smut that I’ve added to this list, and you're the mood for opla!Sanji in particular. 

9. Sweet Confession by @softonshanks

I have one specific weakness that I’m glad to often see in fics: Sanji getting a hug while he’s busy cooking, and he’s all cute and flustered about it because he didn’t expect the affection.  And this fic has that + Sanji’s a pining mess for the reader, who he’s FWBs with despite the fact that he’s totally in love with her + she’s taller than him and he loves it. I’ve hit the jackpot. I’d love to see more Sanji fics from this author, so much so that I’m gonna ask her pretty please in Italian: Sara, ti prego, facci sognare.

10. 🌶 Your Name by @strawhatsoraya

Now, the one pining in this fic is me. Sanji and the reader are actually complete strangers, but if what appeals to you in mutual pining fics is the gut-wrenching depth of the feelings described, then I think you should check out this little one-shot. My notes on Ao3 are “Tfw when a pwp hits your id so well it bypasses making you horny and goes straight to suicidal”—do with that what you will. Also, check out the rest of this author’s fics and make a whole evening out of it.

Ft. Zoro

Get that stinky Mosshead out of my sight…no, wait, let him stay. I guess we can take turns on Sanji or something.

11. 🌶 Picture You by @froggiewrites

I don’t usually read Sanji fics where Zoro is heavily involved, but I’m glad that that didn’t stop me from clicking on this one (also, to be fair, they take turns on the reader. Well, the reader takes turns on them.) My note on the Ao3 bookmark is “God-tier sad horny Sanji characterisation”...couldn't have said it better, me from the past. 

12. 🌶 Shaken Up Hearts by @lyriumcoloredskies

Okay so I lied, maybe I do like it when Zoro is heavily involved, as long as it’s a collab to team up on Sanji. Sanji gets lovingly demolished in this one, but before he gets there he’s sad like a kicked puppy about not being allowed to kiss both you and Zoro. Who am I to say no to a heavy dose of Zosan in my het Sanji smut?

13. 🌶 Nuvole e Lenzuola by redtendou

This one’s niche because it’s written in Italian. I was stunned by the author’s ability to make a graphic sex scene actually work despite Italian’s atrocious sex-related lexicon–trust me, it’s a struggle. If you’re into Zoro and the reader ganging up on Sanji and you understand Italian, definitely give it a read.

Spa day for the soul

Fics where you take care of Sanji, or Sanji takes care of you, or where there are actual spa activities thrown into the mix. God knows this man needs some TLC once in a while.

14. 🌶 My Pampered Prince by @sheerxfiction

It’s Sanji’s turn to spend some time flat on his back on the kitchen table–it’s what he deserves. If you’re craving a brilliant smutty fic where Sanji gets pampered then you've foudn it, the reader take really good care of him in this one–and I have to give bonus points for the heavy dose of Sanji’s self-worth issues and the readersinsert fighting back against his refusal to get taken care of. Get loved, idiot.

15. 🌶 Shower Time by @chibieggplant

Cute, hot, sexy–I’m talking both about the writing and Sanji in this fic. He takes a shower with the reader and spends the entire time in disbelief that he gets to tenderly wash her body, feeling quite embarrassed by how into it he is, despite the fact that this an established relationship fic. And that’s how I like my boys!

16. 🌶 Vinsmoke Sanji: Not all Men are Rats by livingonadaydream

I love, love, love fics where Sanji gets pampered…but it doesn’t hurt to read the complete opposite once in a while. A very sweet Sanji makes sure that the reader gets a very happy ending.

First Time

We'll never know the canonical sexual history for any One Piece characters because Oda is, unfortunately, a coward. However I'm not surprised that Sanji is considered by many the most virgin to have ever virgined in the history of virginity—so here's a list of fics where you pop his cherry. Be delicate, please...he's very sensitive.

17. 🌶 Say When by @venomatically

This one has to be the first I tell you about. If you go check the comments on Ao3 you’ll find me absolutely losing my mind after my first read, and there’s no quick comment I can add here to fully explain how much I love this author, her writing, and–Good Lord in Heaven–the way she writes Sanji. He’s a virginal pervert. He’s got that dog in him and it happens to be a cute little puppy. He’s so sweet and adoring he can’t bear to tell you how often he thinks about fucking you. I need someone to invent him in real life, it’s not even funny anymore. (Also, if you like to see Sanji actually get a little depraved, check out her other fic, too: 🌶 Letting Off Steam)

18. 🌶 Lust by @tetzoro

Ooh, this one’s hot. It starts so poetic and romantic, but as Sanji loses himself in the feeling the descriptions get more carnal. I love his POV here. Also it involves one of my favourite things ever: the readers starts on top but when it gets too good Sanji can't resist and he flips her over to do all the work himself. Who else cheered?

Sex Pollen

While writing this rec list I realized I have at least four sex pollen fics where Sanji eats something he shouldn’t and then…I wanna say “regrets it”, but the consequences are that he has hot sweaty sex with someone he’s really into. If he were to notice the trend I think he might start putting the wrong thing in his mouth on purpose.

19. 🌶 It’s a what flower?! by @sanjifucker42069

From the blog name alone I knew I’d found a kindred spirit. They have written for both the animanga and OPLA, and to be honest it’s hard for me to pick a favorite work. That’s a lie, this one’s my favorite. The author has a great sense of humor, and this fic in particular is both very funny and incredibly hot. I love how desperate and pathetic Sanji gets, and how hard the reader insert is trying to keep things PG before it becomes obvious they just have to fuck! Good problems to have if you ask me.

20. 🌶 a fever you can't sweat out by @cryocandy

I remember reading this one day right before work. My shift was about to start, and I was sitting by myself in the car reading the smoking hot sex scene for no good reason at all, ensuring that I wouldn't be able to focus on anything productive for the rest of the day. Sanji in this fic is so dreamy and cute and pathetic, all qualities enhanced greatly by the amazing writing. If you don’t think you like fuck-or-die fics, do yourself a favour and read this one anyway. 

21. 🌶 Needy Boy by @maddddstuff

My note on Ao3 for this one was “Single-handedly made me into spanking btw, if you even care”, and I stand by it. He’s the one that gets spanked by the way, in case someone was in doubt.

22. 🌶 Someone Help Me by @fanaticsnail

Sanji’s a mess in this one. A total and complete mess, and I loved every word of it–also, since in the first part Sanji is struggling against the effects of the sex pollen all on his lonesome, this fic might also appeal to my fellow Sanji whump fans.

Dom!Sanji & Co.

Just because I have a preference for Sanji being a sub it doesn’t mean I will scoff at fics where he’s more dominant in bed. Here are the ones I stumbled upon that I’ve really liked! (Also I’m using the term “dominant” very loosely here, in some of these fics he’s simply more assertive in bed.)

23. Too Much (Take Me Home) by @secretwritingspot

This is THEE dom!Sanji series for me. There’s no sex in it, it’s more of an exploration of the sub/Dom dynamic and why someone would crave submitting to another person. Sanji finds himself in the dominant role with little warning, but he’s damn great at it in his usual adoring and tender way. I’m linking the first fic of the series, but the author has written more for this scenario!

24. 🌶 Leg Day by 1LucaCola1

The title says it all; fantastic premise for a smoking hot pwp fic. If I had the opportunity to train and make good use of Sanji’s expertise, I’d also push myself too far until my legs were shaking, and then let him do other things to me to make the shaking even worse.

25. 🌶 very professional nights by @missfrustration

Ugh, I love this one! Sanji is your superior at the Baratie, and he’s so very stern with you until he isn’t at all. Love the bait and switch of a Sanji whose professionalism makes him act a little cold when clients’ satisfaction is on the line but simply melts when he’s alone with the reader. And everything he ends up doing to the reader in this fic, I’d hardly call a punishment.

26. 🌶 Doodled Hearts by Twisted_Inkwell

Soft dom Sanji fucks you hard but he’s sweet talking to you in French the whole time. I don’t know what else to add to convince you to read this one, that should be plenty.

In the kitchen

To fuck the cook, you’ll have to look for him in his natural habitat. Then you can proceed to ruin the kitchen table for everyone else.

27. 🌶 Midnight Snack by BombasticBastard

This fic is a part of a Sanji/Reader/Zoro series, but I’m linking Part 2 where it’s just you and our lovely boy. As the title says, the reader is craving a midnight snack and goddamn, she gets the best one the Sunny’s pantry has to offer. This could also go in the Dom!Sanji category because he quite literally talks you through it, as the kids say nowadays, but he also showers the reader in compliments & he confesses his love, so overall he’s too much of a big ol’ softie to call him dominant in any way.

28. 🌶 All It Takes by mooseskulls

Reader catches Sanji being the pervert that he is, stolen underwear and badly-hidden moans included. This one has both a gender neutral version and a transmasc!reader one, I thought that was lovely–this way lots of different people can enjoy the “getting bent over the kitchen counter” scenario. 

29. 🌶 Compliments to the Chef by @tigreblue

The Author says this is their first fic–if that’s the case, they’ve got a bright future ahead of them. We all know Sanji doesn’t easily accept love and gratitude, but some good ol’ finger-sucking ought to convince him. Things degenerate beautifully from there.

Dark(er)

By darker I mean that I’m adding here fics where Sanji is something other than an absolute sweetheart. You’ll understand how actually dark any of these fics are from my comments and the authors’ tags, but they all have the general vibe of “Sanji is a sleazy pervert” in varying degrees of illegality.

30. 🌶 appetite by @groubee

Ooh…this one’s fucked up. Sanji is an unreliable narrator that makes non-con somnophilia sound kinda cute, actually (it really isn’t.) In his defense he’s written as some sort of incubus-slash-sex-demon. The author doesn’t go into detail but they don’t need to, it’s all about the sickly sweet mood (emphasis on sickly) of a tender lover who’s also a horrible, horrible person.

31. 🌶 Letting Off Steam by @venomatically

He’s a freak in this one, but he’s soooo nice about it and he’s soooo thankful that you’re letting him be a complete pervert who can get away with waking you up by stroking his cock over your face. 

32. 🌶 Smile for the Camera by @thus-spoke-lo 

This one broke my heart and turned me on at the same time, I give it a full five stars. It’s a short and sweet one-shot where Sanji breaks down all your walls and then does the same to your trust in men…enjoy!

33. 🌶 Compliments to the Chef by @thus-spoke-lo

I realize only now that this fic and Smile for the Camera are by the same author. That’s not gonna stop me from reccing this little series, too–in the notes on Tumblr you can see that this was written for a “sleazeball collab”, which should tell you something about Sanji’s characterization. While reading this I felt like that lady in the comic about sexual harassment on the workplace…like yeah maybe I would be okay with it if the guy was hot enough. And by workplace I mean a shitty restaurant, and by guy I mean Sanji in the role of the line cook who smokes too much and is very transparent about wanting to bang you on the counter where lunch service is prepared.

34. 🌶 Use me by moosetracksandscenechanges

This fic! My God! I’m adding it here not because there are hard kinks or morally dubious dynamics between the characters, but I still think it fits. It has its sad moments due to a generally darker atmosphere and a more aloof version of Sanji (not that aloof, still recognisably himself)...but also he willingly gets tied to a bed. Sub Sanji lovers stay winning. My hopeless romantic heart hopes that Sanji and the reader will actually get together, but there’s a lot to love about the fwb dynamic they’ve got going on right now. A bittersweet read in the best way.

35. Conjugate the Ways by @secretwritingspot

Oh, Sanji has a foul mouth in this one, but he’s speaking French so he’s forgiven…also the reader has no idea what the hell he’s saying to her. It’s creepy in a cute way! The fic doesn’t include actual smut, it’s just Sanji fantasizing out loud about the things he wants to do with you, but if you’re in the mood for some good ol’ sexual tension, give it a read.

36. 🌶 Ma chérie by marriedtosanji

He lied to you! About being French, of all things! I would never forgive him. He’s really good in bed though, so he makes up for it. The smut here is so delightful it does a 180% and goes back to breaking my heart over the fact that I’ll never meet a cute stranger in a bar who wants to seduce and is also Mr. Sanji Onepiece himself. 

Voyeurism

I swear this isn’t even in my top 10 kinks, I guess that Sanji’s character simply inspires a lot of authors to put him in situations where he’s staring. Watching. Ogling. Observ–you’ve got the gist of it. 

37. “It’s entirely too obvious [...]” by @ofallthingsnasty

[giggling and kicking my feet] the reader makes Sanji sweat cold in this one…I love when he’s nervous, I love when he’s desperate for forgiveness! He doesn’t do anything bad, but the fic is all about him watching the reader eat and obviously liking it a bit too much. The mood is suggestive but overall it stays pretty innocent until the end.

38. 🌶 Voyeurs by snackshack

Thank you Zoro and Nami for your help in making this happen, we couldn’t have done it without you. Sanji and the reader are in a freak4freak relationship, a match made in Heaven. Very good smut and a delicious premise!

39. 🌶 Perversion by glossyjoonie

@Sanji: babygirl you suck ♥ Short and sweet fic part of a larger collection (there are other Sanji-focused chapters, check out those ones, too!) where Sanji gets caught spying on all his favourite ladies: Nami, Robin, and you. Robin sticks around for a while in this one, but in the end the reader is the one who shows Sanji what happens to boys who misbehave.

40. 🌶 Just Between Us by @mytanuki-kun

This man is always spying on you in the shower, in bed, from behind a bush or whatever…it’s about time he gets a taste of his own medicine. I adore this fic, I remember reading the first chapter and hoping the author would update as soon as possible because I was hooked. Sanji catches you ogling him in secret and he plays into it cause he’s a horny bastard and the love of my life. The writing is incredible and Sanji’s characterization is so, so dreamy and sexy and adorable.

That’s all, folks. You have enough material to survive a nuclear war, you can spend many happy decades closed in your bunker eating canned food and reading reader insert One Piece fanfiction. 

My final, desperate request is this one: does anyone have the link to a Sanji fic where he’s 40 years old and he hired a babysitter (you) for his kid, but then one night the kid is somewhere else and you two end up hooking up? Please? Pretty please? I think it was part of a collection or series but I can’t find it anywhere!

[bigtreefest]

Chapter 7: Have a Cow

From: You Catch More Bees With Honey Series

Pairing: Mob! Bucky x Farmer! Reader

Summary: You and Bucky are finding your stride until a surprise shows up on the porch

Word count: 2,750

Content/warnings: Light mob themes, farming, kissing, lap sitting, fluffy fluff

Author’s Note: It’s been a minute! Hopefully this kickstarts me to get a couple more chapters out soon. Please enjoy, be sure to drop any feedback, I love hearing from you!!

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

< Prev | Series Masterlist | Next >

You sighed as you walked into one of your barns tucked toward the back of the property, recently transformed into what looked almost looked like a city loft apartment to accommodate for Bucky’s workers on the farm. You were carrying produce crates and one of Bucky’s henchmen, Peter, came to take them from your hands.

Ever since Bucky’s construction crew has been working in the mines, most of the food that you would normally be selling at the farmer’s market has been going to them. That makes it easy for you, though. A few of them have even been around the fields helping out to pick it themselves, too, giving you a little more time to sort through documents, contracts, and future plans, without having to stay up late like your normally would to fit in all the work.

All the men had been a great help, and exceptionally respectful, which surprised you. Sure, you expected them to be formal and well-behaved, but their actions seemed almost rehearsed, like they had been told exactly what to do. Peter, probably the one kid who you had taken a liking to, was the only one who would really hold conversations with you, though. You assumed part of it was due to his status in Bucky’s organization. He was young, but extremely smart, earning him a spot of minor authority. Although every time he opened his mouth, you were never quite sure what would come out. It could either be something honest and profound, or a weird nervous babble. Sweet kid, though, so no harm done. He was like the best parts of Jake and Curtis at that age.

As you handed the crate over, you looked around at the high ceilings, now lined with bulb lights and the cool tones that decorated the previously wood-heavy space. “I’ve always wanted a barndiminium, just never had an excuse to make it.”

Peter added your box to the stack in what appeared to be a makeshift kitchenette. No way they had time to hook up appliances and water lines already, right? “I know our men seem pretty gruff, but if there’s one thing they like, it’s comfort and luxury where they lay their heads.”

You laughed and nodded your head. Just like their boss, although he didn’t seem to complain as much anymore, laying on sheets that were probably about as old as him.

Peter continued shifting crates around, unloading certain items likely for whatever meal they had planned next once the next round of workers got off their shift. “And of course, boss wouldn’t want anything less than the best when it comes to you. Says this’ll increase the property value. And it’s all yours to enjoy as you please when we’re gone.”

Ah, there it was. The kinda thing Bucky wouldn’t say to your face, but Peter’s lips let slip like it was nothing. Like it was obvious. You tried to change the subject, unsure if you could confront those types of feelings to Peter when you hadn’t even built up the courage to discuss them with Bucky yet. You knew Bucky cared about quality, and had a little understanding of the extent he was willing to go for you. But you didn’t even want to think about a time when Bucky could be gone.

“Don’t you need permits for this stuff?”

He winked. “I won’t tell if you won’t. Plus, I’m sure the higher ups worked their smooth talking magic and their connections. They’re amazing with things like that.”

You hummed in agreement. You had seen and heard first-hand how effortlessly Bucky could have something done for him. The world was at his fingertips. Surely that rule stood true for most people around him.

“Don’t I know, Peter. But I’m sure you’ve got your own charms. Some of your own connections that Buck doesn’t.”

He gave you a sheepish smile and shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess, sort of. But I’m not sure how much they’d really put me in charge of that stuff. Sometimes I just freeze up when I have to tell them things instead of them telling me what to do…I just get so flustered around Mr. Barnes.”

You nodded and put a hand on his shoulder. “Well, I’d say they trust you a lot for you to be in control of as much as you are right now. They definitely see through your nervousness. You’re doing a great job and I really appreciate you discretion and assistance around here.”

He gave you a soft smile. “Oh..wow, thanks.”

You nodded and turned on the newly laid floor, ready to head back to the house to continue your paperwork.

The mid-morning sun was at your back as you made your way inside towards the office. You were almost never inside at this time of day, so it was a wonderful pocket of time to be productive. You were greeted by Bucky sitting in your chair, shuffling though papers while he was on a phone call. He drew his gaze from the fan of parchment in front of him, smiling when he saw your face.

“Yeah, just keep an eye on her and increase security all around. Overlap shifts and monitor cameras 24/7. Thanks, Steve. Bye.”

You smiled as Bucky set the phone down. You had never heard him thank anyone before. As you took another step closer, though, you saw which papers he was looking through. Your own smile fell to see the contract from Cole for the hundredth time. Why was Bucky able to be so happy when this attempt at a forceful ‘offer’ was in front of him?

“C’mere, Honey.” Bucky gestured for you to come sit with him on your chair, but instead, you opted to take a seat opposite him, in front of your desk. There was work to be done and you couldn’t let yourself get distracted, even if he seemed oddly at ease.

You watched as his previously carefree gaze scrunched in on itself, eyebrows furrowed in confusion and lips in a slight pout. As you plopped down in the old cushion, you crossed your arms and legs.

“Bucket, I’m doing this for the good of both of us. Talk business with me first, then we can discuss…accessory ventures.”

You nodded in gesture to the papers, hoping he’d explain why this all needed to be looked over again. Was it not enough that it was constantly running through your mind? You had the power to just say ‘no,’ as long as Cole didn’t keep pushing or have anything over your head, but things were never that easy, so what was really going on?

“Honey, come on. We’ve got a little time to be close. This way we don’t have to flip papers back and forth to read them.” His voice had softened from his phone call, nearly reaching a whine.

“James…” oh, you weren’t messing around. You were taking this seriously. “I can read upside down. It’s fine. Just talk me through what’s going through your head.”

He sighed and his chin met his chest in defeat. “Ever since Curtis messaged me that Cole tried to get into the bar and Lloyd had been with him, I just want to be extra cautious, which is why I’m going through these. Again. I’ve already sent them to my lawyer in the city, so he’ll confirm for me.”

You nodded and stood up, finally walking over to him. “So is this what you’re really worried about? What’s not in the contracts, but real-life threats?”

You walked around your desk, hips swerving to miss the corners as you finally stood in front of Bucky. He swiveled the chair so you stood between his legs and threw his forehead against your stomach. You held him close and stroked his hair before he moved to look up at you, resting his chin on your sternum and wrapping his arms around your waist. “Yeah. I’m worried about you. And what’ll come when I have to leave. And just how involved Lloyd may be. I know I already told you about him, but I don’t think words can describe how much he truly doesn’t subscribe to caring for the well-being of others when they stand in his way. I know this is all that Cole has sent so far, but if Lloyd has anything to say about it, this won’t be the last push, but it’ll certainly be the nicest.”

You nodded down to him before gesturing for him to sit up so you could straddle his lap in the oversized leather chair. You held the sides of his face before leaning your forehead against his. You did your best to speak in a firm, yet placating tone.

“Jamie. I promise, I’m going to be fine. I was fine before you and I can take care of myself when you’re gone.”

He closed his eyes and sighed again. “I know, I know. But I just made the command to keep Peter here with you. He’s an extra precaution. You’ll barely notice him, and I’m sure having the help will be nice.”

You pulled away to smile and roll your eyes. “Bucky, he’s a kid. What’s he gonna do that I can’t? Plus, you know I like him. The last thing I would want is him putting himself in harm’s way for my sake.”

Bucky shook his head. “No, you know how capable he is. If I can see it, I know you sensed it from a mile away. He stays at least until it all blows over. Everyone is willing to do what is necessary to protect you. It’s what they signed on for.”

You knew that Bucky wasn’t going to take no for an answer, so instead, you simply kissed his temple and wrapped your arms around him, nestling against his neck. “Okay, fine. But he’s gonna become the buffest farmer you’ve ever seen when he comes back to you. I’m burning all his little suits. You’ll only ever see him in strictly flannel.”

Bucky let out a light chuckle as he rubbed your back, sitting in the chair and enjoying the moment with you before you mumbled against his neck in question.

“So you wanna tell me what Jake was really doing here? And what you did to make him into the same guy he used to be?”

Bucky hummed in thought at your question. He wasn’t quite sure if honesty was the best way to go here. Sure, you knew that everyone who knew about the mines had to come into town, but why have Jake help? And why didn’t Bucky hate him as much as you’d anticipated?

Bucky clicked his tongue before deciding on the diplomatic answer. “I just reminded him of his place and how valuable you are. Not much more than that. He’s smart if you direct the way he needs to think. I mean, he’s half the reason you’re in this mess, but he could help us get out if we do it right.”

“Yeah, okay Mr. Politician. Whatever you say. Just make sure you restock my duct tape. I’ve been running low lately and I’m not sure how that happened.” Bucky froze as you laughed at the reaction. Dang, he should’ve told the truth. You wouldn’t have asked if you didn’t already know, you were just giving him the opportunity to let you in. Noted.

The rest of the week on the farm was fairly easy as you and Bucky worked in tandem, sporadically getting updates on the mine reinforcements and spells of assistance from his men.

But otherwise, you got along well. Bucky was truly learning the farm chores and operations, catching on quicker than you had anticipated. He only ran the tractor into one ditch and his boots hadn’t gotten stuck in mud at all. Now you were helping, or at least trying to help, him reach mastery in what you thought he would’ve caught onto easily: barking orders.

The two of you were out in the pasture, as you finally taught him how to use your sheep and cattle dogs. Sure, they were practically self-sufficient, but sneaky little things sometimes with their own agendas. Bucky, in an attempt to boast about all the independent work he had done the previous week, revealed himself for the actual issues he had experienced with them, obviously not unbeknownst to you.

After a long day of running around and nearly a week since hearing anything from Cole, you and Bucky were spent, walking back up to your house to have a nice night in, just sitting on the porch and enjoying the peace. As you got closer, though, you could hardly make out a small brown blob waiting there next to one of the posts. Was it a package? You hadn’t ordered any new equipment lately….and then it moved.

You threw an arm out in front of Bucky, both of you stopping stark in your tracks.

“Wait. Hold on. You see that?”

Bucky grabbed your arm close to his chest when you stopped, leaning over it and squinting until it became clear. What was that doing on your porch?

The two of you cautiously kept walking towards it, finally deciphering what you were looking at: a brown, fluffy, baby… highland cow?

You could hear it moo more and more the closer you got, eventually seeing it tied to one of the porch posts with a rope and a ribbon around its neck: both Turner’s blue.

You walked up to the calf cautiously, holding out a hand and cooing at it to ease its evidently nervous state.

“Shhh, shhhh, hey there little thing. What are you doing up here?” Sure, you owned a plethora of livestock, but none of these. This was, for lack of a better term, a house cow. Something Decks had begged you to get for years, but you never had the need or the time for.

You pet the tuft of hair on top of its head as you squatted down, grabbing the piece of card stock attached to the ribbon before looking up over your shoulder at Bucky. You could already see the anger rising in his eyes and seeping through the rest of his demeanor, fists clenched and body rigid as he nodded for you to read.

“Peach, take a taste of what success could be. Here, have a cow. -Cole. P.S. all in good faith”

Oh, Bucky was gonna have a cow, alright. You rolled your eyes at another ridiculous note. This was very evidently not a dairy cow from his stock, so you weren’t sure why Cole was trying to pull one over on you by claiming it was. And he didn’t even leave it with any feed or water for who knows how long it had been there up until this point. The main question was: why didn’t Bucky’s men intercept? You guessed they were probably under specific instructions not to, as to keep a low profile.

When you looked back up at him, Bucky was already on the phone. Even before you had gotten to the porch, he had sent a message to Peter to check the cams and make sure no one had lingered on the property after the delivery. This new development instantly put him on high alert.

He held the phone to his ear now, though, as it rang only twice before you heard someone on the other side pick up. “Hey Barber, I know you’re busy with that other stuff I sent you, but what do you know about corporate gifting policies?”

Meanwhile, you had untied the poor baby from the post and scooped it up, carrying it inside and to the kitchen while Bucky slumped into the couch. You gave the calf—at least it was a girl capable of producing milk and not a boy-which you definitely would’ve roasted Cole for—some water before taking her over to the couch and setting her down next to Bucky. You ran your knuckles against his temple in a soothing stroke before petting through his hair and giving him a kiss on his hairline. When you pulled away, thumb moving to stroke his cheek, you mouthed ‘it’ll be okay,’ only seeing his jaw unclench slightly at the reassurance. You moved to sit on the couch on the other side of the calf and criss-crossed your legs, petting her and listening to Bucky’s lawyer walking him through corporate gifting laws, now on speaker.

Next >

Bonus A/N: highland cows are so cute. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been sent a video of one getting a little spa day🥰

Series Taglist: @scuzmunkie @openup-yourmind @vicmc624 @hawkeyes-queen @blackhawkfanatic @morgthemagpie @buckybarnessimpp @calwitch

[irwinsblender]

reassurance

A/N: hi everyone!! this is my first fanfic that i’m posting on here and the first ever oneshot that i’ve written! as it’s coming up to christmas I decided to write a festive themed oneshot as my first post! i hope you enjoy :)

pairing: ashton x reader

summary: reader has worries about meeting ashton’s family in person for the first time

warnings: a small amount of anxiety

word count: 1k

✩ ✩ ✩

Usually, you were always excited for the Christmas season. Celebrating with loved ones and giving out gifts had always been your favourite thing to do.

This year was slightly different.

Ashton had suggested spending Christmas in Australia with his family this year. After many video calls had gone well with them, he assumed it wouldn’t be a big deal for you. Of course, it wasn’t at first. You were over the moon about getting to go to his home country for the first time.

With your flight there coming up in a few days time, you’d both been packing your bags in preparation. Including any gifts that had been bought for his family.

When you decided on taking a break from packing, Ashton offered to pick up some food. Expecting you to be ready to eat once he returned. Instead, he found you sitting out on his back porch, staring out at the darkening sky above.

He considered leaving you to your thoughts, thinking that you’d been okay all day. Something inside him told him that he couldn’t leave you alone. Something was wrong.

The back door opening caught your attention, glancing back to see Ashton walking outside. You sighed, leaning your head against the back of the chair you were sat on. He joined you, sitting down, waiting until you were ready to talk.

You cuddled into Ashton’s side, slipping your arms around his torso with your head against his shoulder. His arm draped around your shoulders.

“Everything okay, baby?” Ashton asked.

You shrugged, not sure how to tell him that you were freaking out about meeting his family in person for the first time.

“Is it about Australia?” He tried to answer for you if you didn’t want to speak. You nodded. “You’re worried for the flight? I know you’re concerned about how long it’ll be.”

“No, it’s not that,” you closed your eyes, trying to figure out how to explain your feelings. “I’m anxious… about meeting your family.”

“Oh,” he said. Not expecting you to say that. “You’ve been alright talking to them on our calls though, haven’t you?”

“This is different though, a lot different,” you sat up again, crossing your legs in front of you as you faced Ashton. “It’s not talking to them through a screen this time, I’ll be seeing your mum, your siblings, your grandparents, it’s a lot, Ash.”

With the way your voice almost broke at the end, Ashton couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen a hint of your anxiety to meet them sooner. You’d talked many times since agreeing, and none of those times had you expressed how worried you were becoming.

“You’re good at talking to people you haven’t met before,” Ashton tried to remind you. “You were fine talking with the guys the first time you met them.”

You looked away from Ashton after he said that, seeing the sun getting lower and lower. With how you were sat, Ashton moved to rest his hand on your knee, caressing his thumb back and fourth to comfort you.

“I’m not worried about talking to them,” you finally admitted. “I’m worried that they won’t like me.”

“Baby…” Ashton looked at you with a sad expression, the same way he always looked when you said things like that. “They like you already, they’ve seen the way you are on call, or when we’ve posted together.”

“How can you say that when they haven’t met me? Yes, we’ve talked, but over a video call.” You slouched in your seat, running one hand frustratedly through your hair. “I’m different in person than over the phone, you know that better than anyone. I’m quiet if someone calls me, but I can be the loudest person in the room when I hang out with our friends.”

“You’re my girlfriend, they’ll like you, baby.”

“just because I’m your girlfriend doesn’t mean they’ll like me.” You replied stubbornly.

Ashton figured he’d have to take a different approach to how you were thinking. He moved to face you more, patting his lap for you to sit on, which you could never say no to. Now sat comfortably with your hands in his, he continued talking.

“They haven’t chosen whether to like you or not depending on if you’re quiet in one setting or loud in another,” he placed his hands on your waist, rubbing up and down softly. “They liked you even before they saw your face. They liked you as soon as they realised how happy you make me. All they’re worried about is that you care for me and love me.”

You nodded, listening to what he said to you. What he was saying was true in every sense. Your parents were the same with him. As long as you’re happy, and as long as he takes care of you, they couldn’t not like him.

“and you do care for me. Every day you care for me, and love me, I feel it every second we’re together.” He cupped your cheek in his palm as you leaned into his grip. “They like you because I’ve told them about the real you, the you that I fell in love with, the you that I want to be with forever.”

“What if I mess up or say something wrong as soon as we get there?”

“I’ll be there to jump in,” He reassured. “If you get too anxious, I’ll start talking. If you aren’t sure what to say, I’ll talk for you. Until you’re more comfortable with my family I’m more than happy to do whatever you need to feel okay.”

You took a breath as you nodded at him. Feeling slightly better about this whole situation. All you needed was a little reassurance from Ashton, and that’s exactly what you got.

“I love you, you know that right?” You chuckled softly.

“And I love you,” Ashton leaned in, pressing a delicate kiss to your lips. “You’ll talk to me next time you have any worries?”

“Yea, I will.” You promised, looping your arms around his neck as he hugged you closer to him.

For now, everything had turned out okay in the end. You’d admitted how you felt, Ashton understood and didn’t mind at all. He was going to suggest going inside when you spoke again.

“What if your sister doesn’t like me?” You asked.

“Don’t give me that! You two are practically best friends already.” Ashton laughed. “Now, come on, we should eat before the food’s completely cold.”

✩ ✩ ✩

[musings-of-a-rose]

I Don't Want to See Tomorrow (Unless I See It With You) - Chapter 6

Pairing: Benny Miller x wife!reader nicknamed “Juni”

Word Count: 3500+

Rating: Mature - 18+ ONLY!

Warnings: Just like ao3, “creator chooses not to use warnings.” If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that you’re the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story. 

Notes: This is it, folks! I had some little short story ideas for this fic. Maybe I’ll write them one day if people want. HUGE shoutout to @laurfilijames for listening to me babble about this fic. I hope you enjoy your husband Will! And also to @mermaidxatxheart for listening to my crazy messages about a world she’s not terribly familiar with. I hope you enjoy your guest spot!  This is not beta’d - we yeet and post.

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❤If you enjoy the fic, please consider giving me a warm beverage! (It is not required in any way!)

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**Reader is not described

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My eyes blink, trying to focus as I will them to open, my head spinning and aching at the back from whatever hit me. I bring my hand to the back of my head and feel a knot, but no blood. Or at least it’s dried. I hope that’s a good thing. 

The floor beneath me is hard and dirty, which isn’t out of the norm, but a memory stirs at the back of my mind, pulling at the edges of memory.

“And they said Raiders can’t be sneaky!”

My eyes finally focus and I try to sit up, my head lightly scraping against a hard surface. I feel above me a hard roof, my fingers scrambling to try and find an edge. But then my eyes land on the bars in front of me and I realize - I’m in a cage. On all fours, I move around and finally find the door, which of course is firmly locked. I grip the bars, squeezing them tight before I shake the door gently. It doesn’t budge. 

Part of me wants to scream and yell, but I’ve seen enough of those old movies to know that it won’t do me any good. No one will let me out or I wouldn’t be in here to begin with. I take a look around the dingy, poorly-lit room and see no one. Just half broken furniture and some rusty shelves with various parts of metal, some canned foods, and…is that a board game? It’s not until I see the needle full of Jet (a drug) on the table that I know who took me for certain. My memory was not failing me. 

Raiders.

I have no idea why they would take me, but I do know that I’m fucked. It does give me a little hope that they haven’t done anything yet. Maybe they’re waiting for me to wake up….

I quickly lay back down, curling into the same position I had woken from. I keep my eyes open, studying my prison for as long as I can. But when I hear the footsteps growing closer, I close them gently, hoping that I can still look like I’m asleep. Heavy footsteps shuffle in, 2 sets as far as I can hear. I don’t dare open my eyes.

“Still out?” a deep voice asks.

“Seems so.” The bars of my cage rattle as the second man shakes the cage. I don’t move. “Yeah. I’d say she is.”

The first man groans. “I wish she’d wake up. Maybe the boss would let us torture her a bit while we’re waiting on Nightshade.”

Benny. Of course. That’s why they took me. Benny missed several drop offs and he’d assumed they would think he was dead. Apparently, he thought wrong.

“Yeah but the boss said no touching. That we’re waitin’ on what’s owed us. And Nightshade won’t be nice if we hurt what’s his.”

Some more grumbling from the first man before something clanks on the floor next to the bars of my cage and they shuffle out. I wait a few minutes before moving, making sure no one else was coming. When nothing happens, I crack an eye open and scan the area. A can of Pork N’ Beans sits next to the cage, slightly open with what I’m assuming is a fork sticking out of it. Next to it is a bottle of questionable at best water. My throat is terribly dry and my stomach betrays me with a low grumble at the sight of the can. I doubt they’re going to poison me, as they could’ve killed me at any time. That’s the Raider way. Same goes for drugging. They could’ve put a line in my or anything while I was out but they didn’t. They need me alive. 

I take a very small sip of water and nibble from the can, making sure to place them back where they had been left, just in case they return quickly. They would think I was still out. But no one comes back and as the time goes on to what may be night, I start to wonder if they’ll come back. Maybe I’ll be left to die in this crate. I decide to chance another couple nibbles and sips, gently placing the containers back. 

A few hours later, I hear another set of footsteps coming closer. I get back in my fake sleeping position, listening to whomever was shuffling in. Definitely different than the first 2 people. These steps are more confident, like they know what they’re doing. I hear them stop by the cage door, standing there for several moments before heading over to the couch and slumping down on it.  

“I know you’re awake.”

Fuck. Well, no use pretending. I open my eyes and sit up as best as I can, staring at the man on the couch. He’s definitely a Raider, the patchy clothes and scars littering his shirtless body are a big indicator. As is the shoulder plate armor with giant spikes coming from it. He’s got a scar across his cheek and a tattoo of some kind of marking around his eyes. He scratches at the short mohawk on his head, plopping down another piece of armor from his body on the makeshift coffee table in front of him. 

“I’m Draven. Who are you to Nightshade?”

Doesn’t even ask my name. Rude.

“Juni.”

“What’s a Juni?”

I scoff. “My name. Since you didn’t ask.”

He cocks his head slightly. “I’m shocked you told me. I thought you’d have told me to fuck off.”

I nod. “Thought about it.”

His eyebrows raise. “And?”

I shrug. “I figured it wouldn’t get me anywhere.”

He laughs. “Logical. I like that. And funny. No wonder Nightshade keeps you close. Well….most times anyway.”

I cross my arms, willing my nerves to calm down. “What do you want with him?” 

“Ain’t you gonna ask me why you’re here?”

I gesture vaguely. “As a sort of bait or something from Nightshade, I assume.”

He nods. “Or something.” He glances down at the can and jar of water. “You can eat and drink. It’s not poisoned. Water might not be the cleanest but it’s what we got. We never got the parts to fix our purifier.”

I study him for a moment, his dark eyes looking more intense surrounded by the markings. I decide he’s telling the truth and reach for the bottle, taking several sips before setting it to the side and taking a few bites of the beans, my eyes never leaving Draven. He watches me finish eating before shifting on the couch to lay down, tossing his arm over his forehead.

“You don’t have to worry about my people hurtin’ you. I forbid it. As long as you’re cooperative.”

Is that supposed to be comforting? “How long am I going to be here?”

“Just waiting on your boss, hon.”

Boss? Keeps me close? It dawns on me that Draven must think I’m Nightshade’s property. He has no clue how deep Benny’s love for me is. He may not even think that Benny will come for me, but decided to take the chance. 

Draven yawns loudly. “I figure I have nothing to lose. On one hand, if he shows, I’ll be able to get what’s ours. On the other, if he doesn’t think you’re worth it, I get a pretty girl to keep all to myself. Either way, I win.”

I feel the color drain from my face, even though I kind of figured that it wouldn’t end well for me if Benny didn’t show. Question is, how soon will he make it here? Will it be in time?

On the 3rd day in my cage, I’m wakened by various yells and whoops, Draven quickly sitting up on the couch. He looks over at me, a sickly sweet smile spreading across his face as the commotion grows louder.

“Bet that’s your boss.”

The door flies open and a Raider walks in, chest heaving from excitement. “It’s him. It’s The Nightshade!”

Before I can think, my cage door is ripped open and the Raider grips my ankle, dragging me across the cage floor. I try to kick out, but he pins me, Draven coming over to calmly tie my hands behind my back. I knew it wouldn’t work, trying to escape, but I had to give it a shot. Draven hauls me up, gripping the binds at my wrists as he leans in to my ear.

“Let’s go say hi.”

He grips the binds tight, the rope digging further into my skin as he pulls me along, pushing his way through a crowd of people all staring at something on the ground. We break through the crowd and I have to choke back a cry. On the ground is Benny, one Raider on either side of him hauling him up, his arms outstretched on either side. His lip is busted and he spits a glob of blood out on the ground, looking up at Draven. 

“Nightshade. You’re alive.”

Benny pulls a little at each Raider but they hold strong. “I am.”

Draven chuckles, deep in his chest. “And here we thought you were dead. After all, you stopped deliverin’ what was agreed upon.”

“You think I’d go back on a deal?”

Draven watches him for a moment. “I’m not sure. Why don’t you tell your partner here where the load is, then.” Draven yanks me from behind him, pulling me around front and holding me to his body. My eyes find Benny’s and, even though we are not safe by any means, I take comfort from his gaze, a brief flicker of concern before rage sets in, that darkness enveloping his face.

“You let her go and we can talk.”

Draven does that chuckle again. “Now why would I let my insurance go? She’s my guarantee that you’ll do as I say.”

Benny’s jaw clenches. He hates this. I can’t say I’m too fond of it either.

“I’ll bring you what’s owed.”

“That you will,” Draven smiles down at him. “Maybe we’ll start with her. She has such smoothe skin.” He brushes the backside of a crooked finger down my cheek and I jerk my head away from him as his finger continues to trace a path down my neck.

It’s as if I’m watching things happen in slow motion. Benny jerks his arms once, no doubt the enhancements he’s received taking over as both Raiders go flying. He stands, pulling guns from each of the Raiders and aiming at the ones currently charging him. He always hits a mark, but there’s so many of them. They all rush him, the sound of clashing metal and gunfire deafening in the small circle. But then battle cries and screams sound from the opposite side and the Raiders scatter slightly as men clad in umpire gear and a familiar brown pointed hat come charging in. The Minutemen and Diamond City have arrived, the Raiders momentarily surprised by their abrupt appearance. 

This is so much faster than the films. But while they started strong, the Raiders are more willing to take a life and they start to overpower the Minutemen and Diamond City and it sounds like they’re losing. And Fast. Draven pulls me tighter to him and I feel a knife being pressed to my side, his heavy breathing in my ear warm, fanning down my neck. And then he bursts from the crowd, blood spattered across his face and clothes, chest heaving.

Benny! 

He takes a step forward, but then the ground shakes, a deafening roar sounding loud over the sounds of fighting as a giant dinosaur looking thing comes stomping into view. It’s tall, at least 20 feet tall, curved horns adorning it’s face, scaly skin, standing on 2 legs, 2 long arms with sharp claw-like fingers at the end. And it hits me - this must be a Deathclaw.

“Fuck!” Draven yells from behind me, yanking me along with him as everyone starts running, some people trying to shoot the thing and take it down. We lose Benny in our escape, and honestly, I’m too terrified to try and slow him down. We have to get away from that thing!

As the sounds of the deathclaw and fighting start to fade a little, a shot bounces off the ground next to us. Draven clutches me to him and spins, the knife poking my side again and I gasp at the pain. My hands grip the arm he has pinned across my chest, frantically turning me side to side to find the shooter. But he doesn’t have to look long as Benny appears from nowhere, his dark jacket flapping in the breeze. He aims his pistol at Draven. 

“Just give her to me and I’ll get you what’s owed. Then I’m out.”

Draven squeezes me a little tighter. “She must be more important to you than I thought for you to bring the literal cavalry in.”

Benny shrugs, but I know it’s for show. I can see the tension in his body, in the small movements of his face that I’m so attuned to. “Hard to find good help.”

“Mmm. Well, if she’s not so important, maybe I’ll just keep her. Trade you for her.”

Benny sighs. “Don’t make me kill you, Draven. You’re smarter than all those other Raiders.”

“You’re right. Maybe I’ll just keep her and kill you. Best of both worlds.”

If I hadn’t been staring at his face, I would’ve missed the nearly imperceptible glance Benny gave me, his eyes dropping ever so slightly before snapping back to Draven, who had been rambling on about the horrible things he’d do to me. Slowly, I loosen my grip on Draven’s arm, lowering my own to my sides. I try to tell Benny I love him and trust him with my gaze but I don’t know if he saw it. 

“-and then, only when I’m done with her, I’ll toss her to my-”

BANG!

A loud gunshot rings out, my own voice screaming with it. Draven drops to the floor, instantly dead with a bullet in between his eyes. Benny lowers his gun and runs to me, holding me to him.

“Hey, sshh hey it’s me. You’re ok, Juni. I’ve got you.”

My breathing starts to shorten and I start gasping for breath a little. “Benny?”

He pulls back and looks at me, his eyes wide with fear. They start to rake over my body, but I know where it is. I reach my side and pull my fingers back, blood covering them. 

“No! Fuck!” Benny grabs me as I slump, my limbs already going cold. He must have hit an organ.

“I l-love y-you, Ben..Benny,” I say, gasping for breath.

Benny holds me, but before he can reply, that same screech comes bellowing at us. Benny turns his head, staring at the deathclaw as it charges us. He turns back to me and holds me tighter, trying to shield me from whatever violent attack was about to happen.

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I’m so sorry, Juni. I love you.”

His tears splash on my face, joining my own. It may be because I’m dying, but I hear what sounds like a vertibird (a sort of helicopter) propeller. And machine gun fire, the screaming from the deathclaw indicating it had been hit. Multiple times. Benny tears his face from mine, looking through the dust at the deathclaw, who was falling on his side, sliding across the dirt, dead.

“Hey! Help! Get a stimpak!” Benny screams from somewhere above me, one of his arms leaving me to wave. 

I look up at the sky and I see it then, a large vertibird descending upon us, someone in power armor hopping out. I must be dying because I swear I see Frankie in the pilot’s chair as the stomping from the power armor gets closer. 

“Here! Stimpak now!” Benny yells and the stomps come closer as my eyes start fluttering. The last thing I see before I pass out is Santi’s face appearing from behind the power armor helmet, leaning over me as Benny comes into view, a pinch in my side before I pass out.

Sunlight streams across my face, the warmth and brightness rousing me from sleep. I blink, my eyes taking a moment to adjust to the light. As my vision acclimates, I look around the room I’m in. It’s plain, medical. Like a military med tent. I feel a weight on my hand and look down to see Benny, asleep on said hand. His face is turned towards me and I take advantage of the quiet to study his face. It’s peaceful in sleep, the white of his scars even seems subdued. And I’m struck again by how handsome he is and just how lucky I am that he loves me back. I reach over and                                    brush back some hair from his face as he stirs beneath my touch. His eyes open and he finds mine already watching him. He sits up, taking my hand in his.

“You’re awake! How do you feel?”

How do I feel? “A little sore but alive. What happened?”

Benny cups my face and leans towards me, kissing my gently before pulling back, giving me a small smile. “I fucking love you.”

“I love you too.”

He sits back and takes my hand again. “Draven stabbed you. There was so much blood. You were…” he swallows hard and I squeeze his hand in reassurance. “You were dying. And then that deathclaw found us. He was charging and I thought..well I thought if you were dying, then I’d go with you. I was going to protect you as best I could. But then Frankie and Santi showed up and mowed that fucker down.”

“So that was Frankie and Santi? For real?”

He nods. “Yeah! I wasn’t sure they even got my message but apparently they did. Santi got to you just in time. He jammed a stimpak in your side, but you had passed out. We weren’t sure the stimpak would work in time.” He takes a deep breath. “But you did. Once it seemed you were stable enough, we loaded you up and they took us back to base. We’re in a Brotherhood med tent right now.”

“And the Raiders? Won’t they retaliate?”

Benny chuckles. “Those knuckleheads? The only one of them that had half a brain cell was Draven and he’s dead. The others? Most of them died during the fight. Maybe a few survived but we won’t see anything from them.” We sit in silence for a moment before his eyes drop from mine. “I’m sorry it took me so long to get to you.”

I cup his face. “What? No, Benny you did what you could. You couldn’t just come running in. We wouldn’t have made it out alive.”

Benny laughs. “That’s exactly what Will and Tom said. They said you’d kill me yourself for coming in without a plan.”

“And they were right.”

“Tom gathered up all the Diamond City guards and Lauren got in touch with your Minutemen. They came as quick as they could. I’ve never seen Preston that mad. Anyway, you saw what happened.”

My mind flashes back to the battle and I shake my head. “When can we leave?”

“Whenever you’re ready.”

I smile at him. “Let’s go home.”

1 year later…

“And then I mowed that yao gui (mutated bear) down!” Santi boasts.

Frankie snorts. “Yeah but it took you a week to scrub your shit from the inside of that power armor!”

We all laugh as Santi throws an empty Pork ‘N Beans can at Frankie’s head. “Pendejo. How many yao guis have you stood in front of?” They bicker like brothers back and forth for another few minutes, eventually walking back towards the kitchen to get more food. 

Benny and I had returned to Sanctuary Hills, bringing Santi and Frankie with us. They helped refortify the perimeter and took turns on watch. They left for a run to Diamond City and came back a month later with Will and Lauren, Tom and Molly opting to stay behind in Diamond City. Tom was too connected with his bar and Molly and the kids loved it there. But what surprised us most was that Santi brought back with him a girl, Jamie, who fit right in the moment she came inside the gates. 

Benny comes to stand next to me, draping his arm around my shoulders. He tips my chin to him with his pointer finger and kisses me, deepening it momentarily before pulling back. He smiles and rubs his nose against mine before resting his head on mine. 

As I feel Benny next to me and look out at all of our friends, my heart fills with happiness and gratitude that we all somehow managed to make it, together, past the end of the world. And that we would be able to survive whatever this wasteland throws our way.

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[applestorms]

the demons got to me and i’m thinking about mello again.

god i so desperately wish we could’ve seen him interact with L in canon. near too, but mello in particular— i’ve already written my mello & misa parallels post so i won’t reiterate all that here but, fuck. i think their similarities would’ve been so obvious if we had actually seen mello’s hero worship of L in practice, like more than just his freak out at roger upon hearing about his death.

do you think he would’ve been loud, in his face about it? i don’t think so. i can’t help thinking back to near’s explanation of why L picked the two of them out to be his successors— the two quiet kids at the back of the room, glowering and watching while everyone else asked their questions. the obvious implication is that L picked them out because they seemed to idolize him, to respect him the least. near at least seems to have managed to stick with that mindset for most of canon… but when did mello’s view start changing? was he just better at hiding it? did his feelings ever become more, less mixed? did he worship L like a cold, distant god— or grow to respect the minor points of humanity that seeped out from the corners?

speaking of: how the FUCK did that conversation about the LABB murder case go? how much of that story was actually, directly told to mello, and how much was his own fantasy, filling in the blanks? he clearly projected onto BB. did he join the mafia with that knowledge in mind, that the desperate, inferiority complex-riddled serial killer was the archetype he fit into better than the world famous detective? did he care about justice, any kind of moral standard— did he bloody his hands or find ways to work around it?

mello knew was never going to be L’s successor, not if he played the game according to its established rules. did L ever imply such things to his face? actually, what the hell did L think of near? was he aware of the burden he put on those fucking kids, did he ever care for even a second? did he mistakenly assume his own immortality, even in the face of a supernatural murder?

(clawing desperately at the walls of my enclosure. L getting annoyed at his pet orphanage of super-geniuses for distracting him from his evil boyfriend is one of my favorite fic tropes of all time, if you gimme recs for that i’ll kiss you)

i wonder if mello ever saw the parts of L in near that everyone else seems to unable to see past. maybe he did, but even so— i think he, of all people, was most aware of all the ways in which near was himself. how easily he fit the role but all the ways in which he broke out of it as well, the similarities in their intelligence & methods of thinking but the minor details that meant near could win where L never could. where mello himself never could. he probably knew how that guy functioned better than anyone, maybe even better than near himself, though i doubt he’d ever do much with that knowledge. it’s one of the few places where i see mello & near switching in terms of passivity— mello knowing Everything about near but doing very little about it, paralyzed by his own self-doubt, while near comparatively struggles to claw as much Mello Knowledge as he can, poking and prodding and pushing him in every direction, all while getting continually blind-sighted as he explodes in random ways he can barely fathom.

i like to think that, in contrast with near’s extreme codependence, mello is actually quite self-sufficient. weirdly, he seems to me like the DN character to be the most likely to actually go to therapy at some point. i think he’s a lot more self aware than he lets on, if only because his inferiority complex drives so much of his self hatred, pushing him to always be better, stronger, more independent. i like to imagine that his apartment or room or wherever the fuck he lives is actually quite clean, that he pushes himself to learn how to cook, how to take care of himself. L never sleeps and near probably sleeps too much but mello needs a consistent, solid 7-8 hours a night or he starts getting cranky— the kind of person who functions better in the sunlight, to take from a fic i read recently.

i wonder how much of his life he remembers from before the orphanage. he seems like he might have emotional ties there, but something he’d never or only very rarely speak about— glimpses of a past life that keeps him up at night on occasion, where near is blessed with a complete lack of any earlier memories. mello just seems more inclined towards sentimentality like that, extreme in all his emotions, particularly when they’re utilized for the purpose of self-destruction. he wears a rosary, has a cross on his gun, chooses to die in a dilapidated church. good lord, he chooses to die in a church.

did he grieve matt? he apologizes, yes. but did he already know he was to join him so soon?

i desperately wish to see a version of mello who had the time to commit to his name and chill the fuck out for a while. get some meds, separate himself from the burdens of L, of the rivalry, and allow himself the chance to relax and breathe and properly heal. part of the reason why his death in particular hits me so hard is the fact that it all seems so possible with him, that he has the most potential to genuinely get over this shit— to not just stew in the corners of the earth and let time wash over him (like a certain someone), but actually, literally get his fucking life back.

he’s explosive, yes, he’s neurotic and emotional and lashes out at everyone and anyone he pleases— but in that same way, he’s honest. mello and near do not bullshit themselves in the ways that L and light do so consistently, they don’t bother lying to themselves or putting on airs about the kinds of people they are or the kinds of things they want. they know their place in the world, the expectations on their shoulders.

everybody likes thinking about “L wins” and “KIRA wins” scenarios, but you know what i really want to consider? what the fuck would mello winning look like? i mean, he’s a character whose primarily fucking trait is the fact that he loses, that he’s always second place. i almost feel like mello winning could’ve been one of the best case scenarios— because for mello to truly win, to not just overpower near and tell him to suck it (a situation which would not make mello legitimately happy, just put him in the same situation as light killing L), he’d have to get over the biggest hurdle of his own bullshit and legitimately grow as a person.

i yearn to see a near that got the chance to grow up with his other half, and a mello who got the chance to live for himself again. they deserve that: quiet afternoons to bitch at each other and argue over whatever book they decided to read that week, near whining about having to do chores and mello yelling at him to clean up his fucking legos, matt shaking his head in the corner.

get those kids a fucking happy ending.

[laylasmoonchild]

“Are You Okay?”

Sam Kiszka × Reader NSFW 18+

Author's Note:

I have no idea what l'm doing or what possessed me to write this... That's partially a lie- There's no Sam Fics out there, and this is compiled of some requests l've had/Requests l've seen on other blogs. This is loosely inspired by Daisy Jones & The Six (The Amazon series, not the book, the book was better though hehe), Basically when Camilla was seeking out attention during a rough patch with Billy. I'm Layla, let me know what ya think, or don't. Just be nice! Sorry if there's typos, this took me hours to write on 2 separate nights, l'm not an amazing writer, just out here trying new things!

Summary:

Sammy's girlfriend (Y/N) is under the impression he is cheating on her and not only gets drunk to mask her feelings, but seeks comfort in Jake... Yup, it's messy, folks. Also, there's sex, read the warnings!

WARNINGS:

Angst, Topics of Cheating, Arguing W/ a S.O., NSFW, Sex, Spit Kink (this is a common request on Sammy blogs, if you're not into it, close your eyes or keep it pushing! my page is a no judge zone!), Unprotected Sex (Wrap it up, or don't, it’s not my business… prob wrap it up though.)

Word Count: 7,149

——————————————————————————

I was looking out the window of the plane that was taking me to God knows where. All I knew was that I was on my way to the love of my life.

Sam’s been on tour for a few months, and honestly, I’ve been starting to feel a distance. I’m assuming it’s more on my end, I’m working a high stress job while trying to make my art my main one. Sam’s understanding of it and I think it’s time I show him just how much I appreciate that of him.

As the plane is landing, I start to write out a text to Jake, who’s going through a major rough patch with his girlfriend. Sam mentioned they were on a break, but I won’t pry, I just want to tell him to let Sam know that I’ll be at the hotel in about an hour…

“Hey! Could you let Sam know I decided on taking an uber? I think his phone’s dead, I’ll be at the hotel in an hour!”

“I haven’t seen him since last night, but I’m sure I’ll run into him, be careful, sweet girl…♥️”

Sweet girl… Jake’s nickname for me since we first met… He always said I was too sweet for Sam.

As I gathered my bags from baggage claim and made my way outside to my Uber, I started thinking about how Jake mentioned he hasn’t seen Sam since last night… I never think about Sam’s whereabouts, I know most girls would be itching to know what their traveling, rockstar boyfriend was up to, but he’s never given me an inkling of a feeling that the rumors about guys on the road and his past were true. And I was far too busy career wise to think into those thoughts.

But I’d be lying if I said the reason I was tapping my foot in the backseat of this Uber wasn’t because I was starting to believe it.

————————————————————————

I got the keycard from concierge and made my way to Sam’s room. For some reason, I couldn’t stop thinking that the distance I’ve noticed wasn’t just me, and maybe he wasn’t as trustworthy as I thought…

I shook away my thoughts while the elevator chimed it’s arrival on his floor. I walked out, luggage trailing behind me, and anxiously speed walking to his door. Suddenly I was picturing the scene behind that door. A Penny Lane wannabe enthralled with him between the sheets, while he tells her I’m the last thing on his mind. What was wrong with me? I knocked on it, holding my breath.

I heard rustling behind the door, and feet lazily lugging themselves across the floor. It swung open, and there he was.

“Hey,” He pulled me in for a half hug, out of breath, hair a mess. He smelled like the floor of a dive bar.

“Hi, baby” I entered the room, it was in decent condition considering he’s been here for at least two nights.

“Room looks clean…” I huffed as I released my bag from my hand in the small walkway.

Sam looked around, yawning a bit while running his hand through his tendrils.

“Yeah, I guess- Haven’t really slept in here.”

I tried to ignore the pit in my stomach, telling myself not to read into it as I kicked my shoes off.

“Crashed at Danny’s or something?” I asked, trying to remind myself that he has 3 other rooms to end up in if he pleases…

I tried to look for his eyes as he sat on the foot of the bed. He looked guilty. This wasn’t in my head anymore. Suddenly my extremities went cold.

“Sam?” I said, firmer than usual. My chest was rising and falling at this point.

“What?” He practically spat at me. He looked at me like he’d been found out. His eyes blinking with a dullness behind them that felt inhuman.

“Sam… Where were you last night?”

“Y/N…” He held his face in his hands, rubbing his eyes.

“Sam. Answer me.” I felt tears beginning to sting my eyes.

“Y/N, I was at Danny’s, okay?” He stood up now with his arms open in defense.

“Look, I’m hung over, I really don’t want to be questioned by my girlfriend right now.” He walked past me to make it to the bathroom. As I turned to watch him slam the door.

Sam was the most attentive man in my life. Never leaving me when I’m upset, always letting me cry it out to him and absorbing every word I had to say.

Instead, he started the shower.

A few tears made their way out as I unpacked my outfit for tonight, feeling stupid as I pulled out each piece that I was so excited to wear for him. A cream colored, see through, lace dress with a slit up the leg, dark brown cowboy boots and a dark brown slip to wear underneath it.

I continued laying everything out when I saw something peeking out from underneath the duvet. Assuming it was one of Sam’s shirts, I pulled it, with the intention of folding it and placing it to the side. Except it wasn’t his shirt. It was distinctively a woman’s blouse. Orange chiffon, staring back at me. I stared back at it in my hands for a second. Hoping it would disappear from my hands and maybe I would wake up from a dream. Suddenly, I had no tears, my throat was too dry to speak.

He stepped out of the bathroom in a towel and I shoved the damned piece of fabric into my luggage. His eyes were softer now.

“Love,” he called out softly.

I nodded, eye’s fixated on his. He walked towards me, he took my waist into his hands and pulled me close to him.

He brought one hand to the valley between my jaw and neck, resting his thumb on my cheek.

“Y/N, I love you, I just had a rough night. I’m so happy you’re here, I’m sorry okay?” He looked me dead in my eyes, and something about that made my stomach turn. He’s lying to me, while looking into my eyes.

“Okay.” Was all I could manage. I felt a sense of serenity, or extreme numbness. He looked puzzled, looking for the rest of what I could say on my face.

“You love me, right?” Sam said, matching the hand that was on my waist to the one on my face.

“Of course,” I smiled, insincerely. “I have to shower now.” I motioned my head towards the bathroom door.

He leaned into kiss me, I moved my head slightly to where he could only kiss the corner of my mouth.

“I feel gross from the plane, sorry.” I said acting like everything was fine. He nodded and let me go.

————————————————————————

After my shower, I immediately started getting ready. It was all so robotic.

Sam knocked on the door to let me know he’d be going to the venue for soundcheck, which he’d been late for. I put my hairdryer on to drown him out mid speech. I heard the hotel door shut, and my phone lit up on the counter.

“Baby doll I left for soundcheck, I don’t know if you heard me♥️ See me before the show like you do?”

I “thumbs’d up” his text and continued my hair and makeup.

While doing my makeup, I suddenly felt thirsty. I opted for every alcoholic nip in the mini fridge.

————————————————————————

I finished getting ready and Ubered to the venue. I drunkenly vowed to myself that Sam will not make a fool out of me. If he was going to realize what I was being short about, it will be on MY terms. Not his, and most certainly not on my emotion’s terms. The alcohol has numbed every emotion, and I was thanking the heavens for that.

While I got into the building and was escorted backstage, all I could think about was another drink.

Entering the green room, I made a beeline for the bar cart while everyone mingled and were making the last touches to their outfits. Danny, Sam and Josh were gathered around the tour manager while Jake was off to the side, looking rather uninterested.

I poured myself a drink and sent my happy-fake smiles to the tour crew as they passed by, cheerful to see me. As I sipped my concoction of liquor, I began to feel disgusted with them too, knowing they could smile at me while they probably know of Sam’s girl on the side and smiled the same way at her.

I felt a tap on my shoulder, as I turned around, I was met with the soulful eyes I so dearly loved. It was Jake. Who reeked of rum. It broke my heart that we were drinking for similar reasons.

“Hey, my sweet girl!” He pulled me in for a hug, squeezing me extra tight and letting his hand linger on the small of my back as he positioned himself to the side of me. A classic Kiszka hug. The kind of hug that makes girls wonder if it’s flirtatious but it’s really just their loving nature.

I beamed for the first time all day. Jake and I were the kind of close where we didn’t need to speak all the time to keep the friendship alive. We often found ourselves on late nights after shows talking about everything while everyone was off to sleep. As I look into his eyes, I’m realizing he might know me more than Sam does.

In my drunken state, I didn’t realize my smile faded till his eyebrow became crooked.

“Are you okay?” Was all he said, my extremities went cold once more like they did earlier.

“I-“ I felt an arm snake around my waist and someone kiss my cheek from behind. I knew who it was.

“Baby doll, come with me before I go on, talk to Jake later” Sam said, all too normal.

I smiled weakly at Jake and he gave me a concerned look. He must’ve made eye contact with Sam because his concerned look quickly became a forced, tight lipped smile. And with that, he caught up with the rest of everyone, who waved at me, unaware of the situation at hand.

Sam led me down a dark walk way, the route that takes them to the stage. The opening act was on and I could feel the bass in my chest.

We stopped walking and Sam pulled me in for a kiss. I barely kissed back, uninterested in his lips on mine… Knowing they were on God knows who’s the night earlier.

“Y/N, kiss me,” He said running his hands up my sides then to my neck, pulling me in again.

“Sam, I’m not in the mood.” I slurred.

“Y/N, I told you I’m sorry for before. I still am.”

His eyes were looking through me at this point.

“Sam, this isn’t about you, okay? Really, it’s okay!” I amazed myself with how natural it was to pretend that I didn’t find another woman’s article of clothing in his hotel room. I grabbed the sides of his face and kissed him. He began to melt into me, pushing his tongue into my mouth.

I faintly heard the opener end their set, they would be getting off on the opposite side of the stage so I wasn’t worried about stopping him. Even if I didn’t want to kiss him right now, a part of me wanted to make him think I was okay before his show.

“I love you so much-“ He said in between kisses. I kept thinking of him talking like this to another woman. It made me sick. I pulled away. Staring at him plainly. His eyes were dull with lust and confusion.

The boys started walking towards us, getting ready to go on stage. I turn to them and smile.

“Good luck tonight,” I blew them a kiss and smiled while they said their thanks and blew kisses back. Jake watched me intently as I started to walk backstage, not daring to turn around and look at Sam.

“Hey,” Jake grabbed my hand.

I turn back to him and look for his eyes, that are fixated on my hand, and work up to my face.

“Sweet girl’s on my side tonight, yeah?” He winked with a grin. His thumb rubbed my hand, all of this making me blush. This gesture was more comforting than flirting.

“Of course.” I said, bashfully.

Jake smiled once more, and I looked back towards Sam. His face was stone cold at the interaction.

————————————————————————

The concert was amazing as always. Jake made it a point to wink in my direction and blow me a few kisses during their set, all of which Sam saw.

I was still, naturally, upset. Drinking as much as I could, stumbling in the crowd a bit. I was trying to blend in with the stands but of course some of the fans recognized me, I’m embarrassed to admit I was probably too incoherent to hold any sort of conversation with them.

We were now at an after party backstage, celebrating the tour or something, I could barely tell in my inebriated state.

Sam was on his phone, frantically typing and trying to stay focused on the conversations around him. I assumed that was her on the other end of the text screen. He put his arm around me while Danny and their roadie went on about an equipment mishap. Before Sam could reply to the phone vibrating in his pocket, I turned to glance at the tour crew & opening band dancing in the middle of the room. Jake was on the other side of the dancing bunch and caught eyes with me.

“I’m gonna dance-“ I said while breaking free of Sam, who said something in return but I couldn’t hear him over the music. I walked through the moving bodies and put my hand out to Jake, who took a good swig of his drink and slammed the glass on the table beside him. He took my hand and pulled me into what felt like the music itself engulfing me. We danced, innocently. Singing the lyrics to each other as we swapped dancing partners and laughing gleefully like little kids. I felt someone grab my wrist.

“Gonna save a dance for me, right, little girl?” Sam husked into my ear.

Feeling incredibly prideful and cocky, I danced with him, and as he leaned into me, I moved my mouth to his ear.

“Tell that little slut to get her cheap shirt before tour’s over.” I said in a tone only he could hear. Sam’s grip on me loosened.

“Y/N,” His face was pale, and his feet were suddenly glued to the floor. I kept dancing.

He reached his arms out for me when I started dancing too far from him and he pulled himself into me.

“You’re not going to make a fool out of me, Sam. I’ll play stupid for everyone around us right now, but trust that I won’t let you continue this. I’m not going to be the other woman in my own relationship.” I said still quietly but snidely.

“Listen to me, Y/N,” Sam said as he tried to pull me out of all the dancing, swiftly and without causing suspicion.

“Good idea, I need air.” I said, walking towards the tunnel that lead to the parking lot.

“Even better, I’ll come with.” He said following behind.

“No, stay! Please, enjoy yourself!” I said in a tone where he knew I was sarcastic but people around us would assume I was genuine if they overheard us.

Jake came up between us and put an arm out to distance Sam.

“I’ll go with her, don’t worry!” I couldn’t tell if Jake realized what was happening or if he really thought he was just helping ease Sam by following his drunk girlfriend who needed to get air in a sketchy parking lot.

Either way, I locked arms with him and smiled.

“Thaaaank you! Enjoy yourself, Sam.”

Sam’s eyes started to get glassy. Those around us would probably assume it was from weed or the alcohol, but he was on the verge of tears. His face was hard, stoic as he watched his brother whisk me away.

————————————————————————

We made it outside. Surprisingly no one was around, just the empty trailers, cars, and tour buses.

I started running to the middle of the lot & began spinning with my arms stretched out, basking in the cool air. I heard footsteps coming towards me, increasing speed.

Jake ran up to bear hug me, I yelped.

“You’re too drunk to go exploring, let’s go closer to the building, Y/N!” he laughed as he pulled me towards the brick wall. I tried to protest but I was too weak and he was too strong.

We reached the wall and I turned to him. There was that concerned expression again. It made me shiver.

Jake started to take off his jacket, he laid it gently on my shoulders.

“Better?” He asked. I’m assuming he thought my slight shiver was from being cold, considering my outfit choice, but the truth is that my blood is boiling from anger and alcohol, I can’t feel a thing.

I nodded and gave him a tight lipped smile.

“Are you okay? And answer me this time. You drank like a sailor, and you don’t do that.” He waited for me to respond. Suddenly I was too scared to speak again, like my voice wasn’t going to be strong enough to carry these feelings into solid words.

“Are you okay?” He repeated.

I teared up, flicking away the single tear that dropped on my cheek. I ran my fingers through my hair, pulling it out of my face, taking a deep breath.

“I’m fine.” I said, knowing he wouldn’t believe me.

“You know I know that isn’t true.” He said, leaning closer to my face. I smelled the dark rum on his breath.

“How do you know that?” I said sarcastically as a few more tears left my eyes. He got closer.

“You know things are pretty much over in my relationship… I know the signs.” Jake’s lips stayed parted and his eyes focused on my mouth.

I steadied my back against the wall, backing away. He moved closer again.

“How long has it been going on?” I asked him, scared to hear the answer.

“Hm?” He seemed genuinely confused.

“Sam and some girl…” I said quietly.

“What gir-… Wait, he’s sleeping with her?” With that, the tears flowed more. He pulled me into him and left he sob.

“Let it out, Y/N, I’m so sorry, I had no idea. I can’t believe he did this to you. None of us wanted her around but he said he was just trying to help.”

He was rubbing my back, and suddenly, I was not only devastated, but curious. Who was this girl and why was he trying to help her?

I brought my head up to ask these circling questions and Jake looked at me with his tender eyes.

In this moment I felt like Jake was looking at me in a way that only women he’s been to bed with have experienced. I felt frozen, I was nervous that I was so low I’d dig myself deeper, even when I wouldn’t want to stoop to Sam’s level. I looked down, avoiding Jake’s eyes.

“I’d never do that- to you,” Jake said, letting out an awkward and breathy laugh, an attempt to lighten the meaning of his words.

I nodded, still looking down. This can’t be happening right now. I started thinking about how Jake would taste on my lips… His rum mixed with my liquor… I physically shook my head to attempt to metaphorically shake these thoughts in my head.

Jake’s single finger lifted my chin to look into his eyes. His other arm lifted, planting his hand on the wall.

“Wanna get out of here?” Was all he said.

Like clockwork, my phone started vibrating. Text after text, and the night was too quiet to ignore it. Jake waited for an answer, trying not to look down where my phone was located, inside the calf of my boot.

My face was plain, not able to answer him. Saved by the bell, his phone in his jacket pocket started ringing, I reached for it and saw Sam’s contact photo. I handed it to Jake, an attempt to make him get his finger off my chin.

He sighed, then muted it and put it into his back pocket. My phone continued to vibrate. Jake looked into my eyes once more. It felt like he was trying to subconsciously communicate that he could take me away from it all, and take care of me, even if it was for the night.

“Jake,” was all I could let out before he leaned his face, inches from mine.

“You’re my sweet girl, you know that?” He said looking at my lips. I’m not sure why, but I nodded, looking up at him.

“I love him though. No matter what.” My eyes watery.

“I know, I’d never ask you to change what’s in your nature,” He paused. Taking my hand into his. He brought it to his mouth, giving my knuckles a light kiss, staring into my eyes as he did this. “It just breaks my heart that you’re so loyal to someone who was entertaining someone else, even if it’s my baby brother.”

Suddenly, the curiosity was getting the best of me. Who was this girl?

“Jake, just tell me who she is.” I took my hand out of his and rested both hands on his chest. Practically pleading and trying to change the subject away from his earlier question. Surprisingly, he let me.

“You know that ex girl of Sam’s? James’ girlfriend’s best friend?” He adjusted his jacket that was falling off my shoulder.

James was one of the openers who has opened for the guys every couple of legs of their tour. His girlfriend introduced Sam to his ex girlfriend, they dated for awhile. I was told through the grapevine that she would get into Sam’s head, make him choose between her and his tasks for the band… When he finally left her, he knew he would see her again on tour, but always made it a point to let me know that it wouldn’t be by his choice. She’d be there with James’ girlfriend and he didn’t really have much to say to her, so he would just avoid her.

My stomach was in knots. Thinking of him with her again. Someone he was so badly hurt by is who he chose to break my trust with. It’d hurt less if it were someone new. I lightly sobbed, moving my hands from Jake’s chest to around his neck. Hugging him tightly, he held me.

“Jake, how could he?” I looked up, trying to find the answers for Sam’s infidelity on his older brother’s face. He gave me the kind of look that told me he didn’t know what to say.

I sniffled, trying to collect myself. I thought about Jake’s previous offer. Getting out of here… with him. As we looked at each other, I knew that he knew what was going through my head. Us, going wherever he had in mind, and losing ourselves in each other.

If anyone saw us, they would think they were interrupting, and maybe they would be, but I wouldn’t dare move till he did.

“Let me take care of you.” He said, each word laced with lust, his hands were underneath the jacket he leant me, and on my waist.

I let out air through my nose, furrowing my eyebrows and frowning my lips. In a way that said “We can’t do this, I still love him.” without saying it.

We must’ve been lost in this moment because I didn’t hear the footsteps coming from the entrance of the tunnel that led to the parking lot. Until I did.

Jake and I both turned our heads to see one of the tour bus drivers. He awkwardly smiled at us and went to start the bus.

We let out a sigh of relief, knowing that if anyone else saw us, or God forbid Sam, we would be dead.

“Now or never.” He said, pulling my face to look at his. I quickly nodded in response.

————————————————————————

We made it back to the hotel after a silent ride. As we walked through the lobby and made it into the elevator, I couldn’t believe I was doing this. Jake held my hand and gave it a light squeeze. I felt him looking at me watch the floor numbers ding on the monitor. I turned to him and smiled lazily. He smiled back, and kissed me on the cheek. He lingered there for a bit before moving to my ear.

“I’m going to make it better.” He whispered.

I felt a pool begin between my legs. It felt so wrong. My boyfriend’s brother, making me feel like this. But Sam was wrong too. I hated him as much as I hated myself in this moment. But I was so detached from reality. So drunk, so lost, and so hurt. The doors opened.

We walked out, walking past Sam’s room. My eyes followed it as if he was going to come running out of it. Jake opened his hotel door, the one conveniently next to Sam’s, softly saying my name, and pulling me into the room. He closed the door behind me.

I felt him behind me as I entered more of the room, knowing I was entering the biggest mistake of my life and my body couldn’t turn off autopilot. He came up behind me, holding me. He kissed my shoulder and rubbed my stomach. I let out a sigh, I hate to admit it, but I was turned on at the thought of what he was going to do to me.

Even though my body was vibrating, my chest was aching, and a few tears escaped. He spun me around, anticipating what would be our first kiss, but he was met with my eyes, full of tears. His face was surprisingly comforting. He pulled me in for a hug. The kind of hug he always gave me.

“We won’t.” He said, as I fell apart beneath him. He kissed my forehead and held me close. I let out wailing cries, mourning what was once Sam and I, and what I almost allowed to happen. I was sick with myself as much as I was with him. I was trembling, and my throat felt raw from the noises escaping it.

A string of words kept flowing from me, “Jake what did I do? I’m horrible! I lost my best friend, I love him, how could he do this to me? I love him, Jake, I love him!”

He lead me to the bed since I began falling to the floor in his arms. He shushed me, rubbing my back.

“You didn’t do anything, I did this. Sam’s at fault, I’m at fault. Not you.” He said firmly.

I weeped. Picturing what almost happened and what transpired with Sam and his ex in the next room the night before.

“Y/N, I am miserable right now. I almost took advantage of your vulnerability because I lost the love of my life. I betrayed my brother, don’t blame yourself right now. Please. I will make this better.” The last sentence was said in a new tone than it was in the elevator.

———————-————————————————

I woke up to knocking on the door. The room was pitch black, my face was damp, and my throat was sore.

The knocking turned into banging.

“JAKE, LET ME THE FUCK IN. YOU PIECE OF SHIT, OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR.” The banging persisted, and the voice was familiar. It was Sam.

My body was frozen, I felt Jake rustle beside me.

“Stay here.” He said, making his way through the dark, turning on a lamp on his way to the banging door.

I sat up, and looked at my phone on the nightstand, I tapped it to see any notifications. My phone was completely blown up from Sam and even a few texts and calls from Danny.

“Please answer Y/N”

“Y/N”

“Hey”

“Y/N, Sam is trying to call you, he’s going crazy right now, he’s not telling anyone anything. What happened? Are you with Jake? He’s trying his phone too. Just let me know if you’re okay.”

Jake opened the door, and Sam busted through, immediately attacking Jake.

“YOU THINK I WOULDN’T FIND OUT?” Sam yelled as he threw a punch at Jake, who was dodging his fists, telling him to calm down.

“YOU LET YOUR RELATIONSHIP FALL APART SO YOU TAKE MY GIRLFRIEND? DID YOU FUCK HER? THE FUCKING TOUR BUS DRIVER TOLD ME HE SAW YOU WITH HER.” He pushed Jake up against the wall. Sam hasn’t even looked towards the bed, where I was.

Sam had Jake by the collar of his shirt, I was frozen.

“Sam.” His name escaped my lips, raspy.

He turned around. Eyes blood shot, hair a mess. He let out a breathy, sarcastic laugh. He turned to Jake and raised his fist, aiming for his face. Jake, again, dodged his brothers fist, and finally used his strength to throw Sam to the floor.

“JAKE!” I screamed, finally being able to jump up. Jake looked at me while Sam struggled beneath him, cursing at him. Jake gave Sam a firm gaze, holding him down.

“YOU FUCKED HER? YOU FUCKING TOUCHED HER?” Sam yelled.

“I could’ve but I didn’t. Because I fucking love you, and I love her. And YEAH, I am miserable right now, I wanted to take her from you because of it, but what the fuck is your excuse?” He spat through his teeth. Sam writhed underneath him.

“I DIDN’T CHEAT ON Y/N, I WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO HER,” Sam yelled “Y/N, PLEASE LISTEN TO ME.” Jake let Sam go. He stood up in front of me.

“I didn’t sleep with her, I didn’t kiss her, I didn’t even hug (her name), PLEASE believe me, listen to me, LOOK AT ME.” He said, tearfully, shaking me by my sides as I struggled to keep eye contact.

I finally caved. I nodded in return. Waiting for him to continue. Jake gave me a kind smile, and patted Sam’s shoulder. He told us he’d be in Josh’s room if he needed us, and left.

Sam led me to sit on the foot of the bed. He held my hands and continued to speak.

“She was on tour, like I said she would be. She told me that one of our roadies and her had a fling after her and I split two years ago. She said she wasn’t expecting to see him again and it was hard to avoid him because he was working close with James’ team.” He looked into my eyes, waiting for me to let him continue. I nodded.

“She said she was scared of what he would do if they were alone because he threatened her, I told her she could hang around us. I have no say in who’s fired, I tried to relay it to our tour manager but he said that the roadie was one of his best employees and wasn’t dropping him this far into tour because of something that can’t be proven. I was stupid. It was a way in. Last night she said he said something about knowing which room she was staying in…”

Again, I nodded. He hasn’t broke eye contact, or tried to retrace his story… He was telling the truth, and I let him continue just that.

“I didn’t want to deal with her, believe this. But our tour manager was being a dick, I know she’s not the talent and doesn’t have needs in their eyes, but I felt obligated to help. I told her to come to my room, stay there the night, and I’d go to Dannys… She came to my room, and immediately, I knew something was up, Y/N. She started asking about you, and how serious we were. I asked her what her intentions were. She joked to get me back. I told her to get out, but she wouldn’t. She insisted that the story about her and this roadie was still true, and she wanted me to protect her. I left her in my room, and I slept in our photographers room. I knew that if I slept in Danny’s, she wouldn’t end this till she got in. And as for her shirt, one of mine was missing from my suitcase, I assumed she took one of mine to sleep in and left hers for me to find. And baby, I’m so sorry that you found it. That’s awful.” He put his hand on my cheek, forcing me to look at him.

“You don’t have to believe me, I know this sounds like a load of bullshit. But please, ask anyone. Anyone you want. They’ll tell you what impression I fell under.” His eyes pleaded with mine. Even though it was hard to give into him after this entire day, my gut was telling me that he was telling the truth.

“Sam,” I tried to find what I was going to say next. That I believe him and that I love him of course, but I couldn’t say that without being honest about what almost transpired between Jake and myself. He waited patiently.

“I almost did something unforgivable tonight, to spite you.” I continued. His chest physically sunk, and his eyes welled up.

“Almost? Not just Jake?” He spoke, loosening his tight grip on my hands.

“I’m not proud.” I teared up. My voice was still raspy.

He cleared his throat, letting out a sigh, opening his mouth to ask “How far?”

“He asked me to come here and I did-“ I started, but Sam put his hand on my thigh, trying to get me back on track.

“Baby, how far?” He said firmly, but still sadly, nonetheless.

“He kissed my cheek in the elevator… when he got to the room, he kissed me here from behind.” I ran my fingers along my shoulder, showing him where. His face was stoic. He looked at my cheek and then my shoulder.

“He stopped when he realized it’s not what I wanted. I promise he did, Jake is not at fault. He feels like he is, he says he is. He’s just lost right now. He doesn’t want me like that, nor do I want him. I never did. It’s always and only been you, Sam. I was in such a bad place. My life felt like it was over.” I began to weep again.

He pulled me into his lap, let me cry, and held me… Like he always did. He kissed the top of my head while I soaked his shirt in my tears.

“It’s okay. Him and I will talk, but you and I are okay, baby.” Sam let out. I was relieved, but still felt like it wasn’t.

“I’m so so-“ I tried to reply, but he stopped me with a kiss. He let me go and looked deeply into my eyes.

“Don’t you say sorry. I’m sorry. I could’ve told you from the jump. But I was so in my own head about that night and I took it out on you.” He kissed away what tears were on my face and stroked my hair.

He always knew how to make me feel at ease, and right now I did… For the first time all day.

“And by the way, I was texting her earlier to never show her face around me again. You’re more than welcome to look-“ He said, reaching for his phone, but I shook my head in protest.

“Not now…” I said softly, looking into his eyes. He placed his hands back where they were, supporting me in almost a cradling like position.

“Sammy.” I spoke out. Knowing he knows I only call him ‘Sammy’ when I’m feeling soft.

“Yes, Baby doll?” He tucked my hair behind my ear.

“Take me to bed?” I rasped. He smiled and leaned forward to me, into a passionate kiss. His tongue dipped between my lips, searching for mine. I let out a small whimper, and he let out a deep moan in return.

He kicked off his shoes, while I transitioned from his arms to straddling his hips, wrapping my arms around his neck. I started to grind my throbbing, clothed pussy onto the denim covering his hardening bulge. His hands made their way onto my ass, guiding me on top of him. We let out moans and soft laughs in between our passionate kisses.

I took his bottom lip between my teeth, earning a low groan from my beautiful boy. He lightly tapped my ass.

“Lay down, baby.” He instructed, and I did as I was told. Resting my head onto the pillow, I looked up at him… He was undoing the buttons on his shirt. I leaned forward, helping him. Once the buttons were undone, I worked it down his shoulders. I went to undo the buckle on his belt, but he moved my hands away, and had me lean back by gently pushing me.

“I’m taking care of you.” He said firmly. I thought of how Jake said this earlier, but the truth is, only Sam could.

I blushed under his gaze while he removed his pants, leaving him in his briefs. His cock was rock hard, Sam caught me looking at it pulse for me. I bit my lip lightly and went to cover my face, squirming my legs beneath him.

“Don’t be shy, now” He let out a little laugh and so did I. He began undressing me, removing my dress, then my slip. He looked down at me in my bra and panties. Completely flushed and exposed, just for him. I opened my legs while he got between them.

“Sammy,” I began. His eyes traveled up my body and landed on my bashful gaze.

“Hmm?” He hummed, running his hands up and down my thighs.

“I love you too. I didn’t really answer you before…” I said, still trying to make things right.

He smiled lightly and pushed air through his nose.

“I know you do, my girl. Don’t worry.” He replied looking up at me. He began to slowly remove my black lace panties. Once they were discarded, I let out a shakey breath… Sam laid down next to me and gave me a tender kiss. He spread my legs wider for him. He took some of the wetness from my core and dragged it to my clit.

He began rubbing it just the way I like it. Immediately, I’m saying his name over again. He dips his skillful fingers into my pussy, toying at my g spot. He alternates between my clit and pussy while kissing my mouth, and slowly moving open mouthed kisses down my neck.

I pulled the lace of my thin bra down, exposing my hardened nipple. I start squeezing the sensitive bud, suddenly it’s replaced with Sammy’s wet mouth. His hand is solely focused on my clit while his tongue works my nipple. I reach my hand down to his throbbing cock. I cant think of anything more intoxicating than the thought of him deep inside me.

He moans onto my nipple, creating vibrations that intensify the sensation.

“Sammy, I need you, please.” I let out, desperately.

He releases my nipple and doesn’t let go of my clit while now, starting to lean over me.

“Aw, look at you.” He says, looking down at me, grinding into his hand, squeezing the nipple he just had in his mouth between my fingers.

“My girl wants it rough, huh? My pretty girl wants me to cum inside her perfect little pussy, right?” It doesn’t matter how sweet Sammy can be, he loves to see me fall apart for him. He wants to see me cry for him, beg for him. Always loving a show put on for him.

“Yes, Sammy, baby please, I need it, give it to me.” I moaned out, feeling like I could cum just watching him drool at the sight of me. He removed his hand from my clit and removed his briefs. His cock sprung up for me. He positioned himself between my legs.

He kissed my forehead, lining himself up with me, before sinking into my aching pussy. The sounds alone from my wetness were enough to prove how much I needed him. He fucked into me, bringing his hand to my clit once more.

He kissed me deeply, pulled away, and looked into my eyes.

“I love you,” He groaned while pumping in and out of me.

“I love you too.” I moaned, unintentionally tightening my walls around him. My arms were around his neck, while his chains danced from his chest onto my neck.

We both moaned into each other’s mouths, he brought up his other hand to relax my jaw into a more opened position.

He let a slow, string of spit into my mouth, earning a pornographic moan from me as I swallowed it. He mouth hung open while watching me do so as he continued to fuck deeper into my pussy.

His fingers sped up on my clit and he sped up his pace while hitting my g spot. I felt a familiar knot in my stomach, and he could tell I was close by my walls clenching and face alone.

“Cum for me, baby, cum on my dick, let it out, little girl, let it go for me.” He cooed as I came. I wrapped my legs around his torso, tightening them with each second of my release.

I felt his cock twitch inside of me.

“Cum inside me, Sammy, give it to me, please, please-“ I panted. And with that, he came deep inside of me. Moaning and panting, sweat beads on his forehead, pressing his to mine. He found my lips and kissed me hungrily, like he was starving for my mouth.

Our eyes were still teary eyed from earlier but extra teary for the passionate love making we just shared. He collapsed on top of me. Pulling himself out of me, he rolled onto the side of my body, now pulling me into him.

“I love you, so so much, Y/N.” He said softly.

“I love you so much more, Sammy.”

[kaiijo]

WINTER ACTIVITIES — [GENSHIN IMPACT]

characters: kamisato ayato, diluc ragnvindr, tighnari, arataki itto, childe content: fem! reader, minor spoilers for ayato and childe’s backgrounds notes: happy 2023 and here’s to the revival of the blog!

kamisato ayato — building snowmen

ayato didn’t get much of a chance to have a childhood, given that he not only began training to take over the kamisato clan at a fairly young age but had to actually assume the role as head of the clan and restore it to its former glory not long after

so you weren’t super shocked when thoma told you that ayato never really participated in any of the winter fun when it snowed in inazuma. “milord always had a meeting to attend or paperwork to do,” thoma said. “all that, coupled with the fact that inazuma doesn’t get a lot of snow, he just never really had the chance”

well, this winter, inazuma saw the most snowfall it had in a long time, and you were determined to help ayato makeup for those lost moments of childhood

You were a little confused when you woke up to an unusually cold room. Usually, the estate was the perfect temperature in the winter, but today, it seemed like the few blankets you and Ayato slept under were no match for the chill air. You glanced over and saw that Ayato wasn’t beside you, which only added to your befuddlement. Wrapping yourself in one of your thicker sweaters, you slid on your slippers and shuffled out of the room, nearly smacking right into Thoma. “Whoops!” he said as he just barely avoided you. “Apologies about that. I’m just about to turn up the heat more.”

“It’s not usually this cold,” you said.

Thoma chuckled, “I guess you haven’t looked outside yet.” You raised a questioning eyebrow before you caught your husband at the end of the hall, gazing out the window. You quickly bid Thoma farewell, moving to stand beside Ayato.

A grin spread across your face at the white blanket of pillowy snow that covered the Kamisato estate from roof to ground. “Wow,” you said, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen snow here.”

Ayato hummed, “The last time it was like this was the year my father began training me to become clan leader.”

You said, “Thoma mentioned that to me before. He also said that you never played with the other kids in the snow.”

“No,” Ayato said, “I suppose I didn’t. I don’t think I missed out on much.” Though he said this, you caught the wistful way he eyed the snow.

You glanced at the clock on the wall, which read just past seven in the morning. In about an half an hour, your husband would get himself ready for a long day of work. “Well, that won’t do,” you said. You tapped Ayato’s arm and said, “Get your coat on, we’re going outside.”

“Really? Right now?”

“Yes, right now.” He didn’t say anything further as you both returned to your room to grab your coats and slip on winter boots, making your way outside. You asked, “Was there any particular thing you really wanted to try in the snow?”

Ayato thought for a moment and replied, “Hmm, I was always rather fond of snowmen. I remember some of Father’s retainer’s children constructing them when it last snowed.”

You clapped your hands. “Perfect! Well, let’s get started then!” You showed Ayato how to pack together the snow and roll it forward, gathering more and more of the icy crystals on it until it turned into the large base of the snowman. Naturally, Ayato was a swift learner, easily creating the torso and head. You relished in the small, proud smile you caught on his face as he placed the head on top of the body.

“It needs its facial features,” Ayato said. “As well as a hat and arms, if I’m not mistaken.” You hummed in agreement and before you could go back inside to grab some of the things, Ayato was calling Thoma over to fetch them for you.

“I can do it,” you told Thoma.

He shook his head. “It’s my job, I don’t mind.” He returned with a carrot and an old top hat, handing them to Ayato while you found some pebbles on the estate. You handed some to Ayato, who carefully placed them to form eyes and a mouth before sticking the carrot in the middle of the snowman’s face, giving it a nose. He let you place the hat and arms and the two of you stepped back to review your creation.

Ayato smiled, wrapping an arm around your waist. “We should name him,” you said. Ayato nodded and finally answered, “Kenzo. That was my father’s name.” He motioned to the hat on the snowman. “That was his so I think it’s only appropriate to name it after him.”

“I think that’s perfect.”

There was a moment of silence before Ayato said, “That was rather enjoyable. Would you like to make another?”

You checked your own watch for the time and said, “I would but unfortunately, you’ll be called away for work soon.”

Ayato replied, “All those things can wait. I’d rather be out here with you today.”

diluc ragnvindr — shopping the winter market

every winter, an open air market took over the streets of mondstadt, bringing sellers and buyers from all across teyvat

diluc hadn’t gone in a while since he saw no need to wade through large crowds for wares he could easily obtain and had little use for, but since he started dating you, adelinde had dropped very un-subtle hints that he should take you there as it would be your first time experiencing it. “you can also get her a nice gift there,” adelinde said. “i remember that the jewels from liyue and sumeru were particularly beautiful.”

while he wasn’t a fan of the crowd or all the noise and chaos, he found that it was a bit more tolerable with you holding onto his arm with eyes sparkling with wonder

“Look, look, Diluc!” you said, pointing at a merchant’s stand to your left. The table was piled high with Inazuman delicacies like sandwiches and noodle dishes and a meal that was shaped to look like a cat, which, in Diluc’s opinion, was a little too nauseatingly cute. You tugged him over to the stall and asked, “Have you ever tried dango before?” you asked him, pointing at the skewers with tri-colored balls on them.

“I can’t say I have, no.”

You smiled at the merchant, an elderly lady who was looking fondly at the pair of you. “We’ll take two dango, please.”

“Of course, dear,” she handed them over to you and as Diluc got his wallet out to pay, she shook her head. “On the house today.”

“I insist,” Diluc said but she shook her head again.

“I won’t hear any of that young man. It’s on me, honest. You two just remind me so much of me and my husband when we were young. So, take it as a thank you for reminding an old woman of a nice memory.”

Diluc blushed and your smile only grew as you thanked her, taking the skewers and continuing through Mondstadt. The streets were packed with people and you held on a little tighter to Diluc as you chewed on your dango. “This is good,” Diluc said.

You nodded. “I know! I tried them when I visited Inazuma as soon as the Sakoku Decree was lifted.”

Diluc smiled warmly at you before another stall caught his eye — a seller from Liyue hawking intricately carved and decorated jade jewelry. He led you towards it, delighting in the way your eyes brightened at the pieces laid out on display. Your eyes drifted over a particularly lovely bracelet; it wasn’t overly intricate or as detailed as some of the other pieces but there was a phoenix carved into it that reminded you of your boyfriend.

“Do you like that one?” Diluc asked you.

“Yeah, it makes me think of you,” you said, pointing to the phoenix design. You laughed a little as Diluc’s face went pink and he handed the merchant his Mora.

tighnari — winter nature walk

given that sumeru was mostly rainforest and desert, it was expected that tighnari had never really seen or experienced snow. he was very curious to know what it was like though and he readily accepted your invitation to accompany you to dragonspine on a commission

on the way to the mountains, you two bought some wool-lined coats from a traveling snezhnayan merchant and tighnari was ever so grateful that you did since, the moment you two began approaching dragonspine, he immediately felt the blustering winds against his ears.

you finished the commission rather quickly and, rather than just leaving the mountains, you two decided to take a stroll to through one of the less monster and fatui infested areas

Tighnari blew out another long breath, watching as it hung in the air in a cloud of smoke. He looked up at the sky, awed by the dark gray of the clouds and the tallest peak of the mountain. You tapped his shoulder gently and he saw you holding a gray-blue shard of rock out to him. “It’s Starsilver,” you told him. “It’s only found here.”

“Fascinating,” he said. “I remember reading a book in the Akademiya that talked about the usage of Starsilver in Warming Bottles, which are supposed to mimic the effects of Warming Seelies.”

You nodded and he tucked it into a pocket in his coat, electing instead to take your hand in his. As you ventured through the mountains, you grinned at the way Tighnari’s ears would flick with every new sound they picked up. You loved the way he studied the new flora and fauna he found there. He looked over a mint sprig that poked out the snow, musing, “How can something like this survive in such a harsh climate?”

You two came to a clearing and found a fairly dry log to sit and rest on. Tighnari looked over at you and motioned for you to come closer. He reached out and brushed some of the snowflakes out of your hair and you laughed, shaking your head out. “Better?” you asked.

He chuckled and patted your head again. You leaned it against his shoulder and he stacked his atop yours. “Thank you,” he said, “for bringing me to such a beautiful place.”

arataki itto — snowball fight

you and itto were on your way to meet up with the gang for some meeting itto called, though you were almost certain it was more of a hangout than a formal meeting (as if there ever were any in the arataki gang)

it snowed for the first time in a long time on narukami island, so you and itto were taking your time making your way through inazuma city to go to hanamizaka. well, you were taking your time, your boyfriend was busy drawing caricatures of himself on every surface powdered in snow. suddenly out of the corner of your eye, you saw a white mass flying towards you and you moved out of the way just in time, letting it hit itto squarely in the back as he worked on another snow drawing

it wasn’t hard to figure out that it was one of the arataki gang members from the sounds of rustling and snickering and itto yelled, “you’ll pay for that!”

“Whaddaya think?” Itto asked proudly, turning away from the wall to reveal the newest stick figure he’d drawn of himself. You could make out the horns growing from the drawing’s head as well as his claymore sword but otherwise, it really didn’t look like Itto at all.

Still, you said, “Looks great, Itto!”

“Aww, you say that about all my drawings,” he said, slinging an arm around your shoulder and guiding you through the street. “Must mean I’m pretty good!”

You rolled your eyes playfully and said, “Sure.”

He scoffed, “What do you mean ‘sure’? Look, watch this!” He quickly broke away from you again and made his way over to one of the low stone walls, scribbling another cartoon with his finger. As he was bent over working on it, there was a small commotion that caught your attention. You glanced over your shoulder but didn’t see anything. Shrugging, you looked back to where Itto was still concentrated on whatever he was doodling but you kept your guard up. Just in case.

You were glad you did as you saw a white ball zooming towards you. You swiftly stepped back, the snowball missing you by a narrow margin and hitting your boyfriend’s back instead. He jumped up and whirled around, immediately catching his fellow Arataki Gang members hidden poor;ly behind shrubbery and suppressing their laughter. “You’ll all pay for that!” he yelled, lunging towards them and prompting the three to scramble away.

They weren’t fortunate enough, however, with Itto easily catching up to them. “We’re sorry, Boss!” Mamoru said as he struggled through peels of laughter. “We really a—” He was cut off when Itto launched a much larger snowball towards Mamoru. Mamoru ducked and the ball hit Genta instead.

“Oh, it’s on, Boss!” Genta hurled a snowball towards Itto, who retaliated with another two aimed at Genta and Akira.

You stood off to the side, watching the chaos unfold while shaking your head. Your boyfriend could be a lot but at the end of the day, you couldn’t deny the way your heart swelled as he laughed victoriously when he nailed Mamoru in the neck.

He packed another snowball together, wound his arm back, and threw it, though it wildly missed its intended target (Akira) and hit someone else instead: you. You wiped the cold snow off your face and your expression immediately dropped from affectionate to something more sinister. “I’ll give you three seconds, boys,” you said as you slowly crouched down, gathering snow in your hands.

Itto yelped and called to his members, “Retreat, guys, retreat!”

Beside the heavy snowfall, it was a pretty normal day in Inazuma City, the locals watching on in amusement as the men of the Arataki Gang sprinting towards Hanamizaka with you hot on their heels.

childe — ice skating

since getting engaged, childe decided it was time to finally bring you to snezhnaya to formally meet his family. he had gushed about you in letters to them already and you’ve even written a few yourself to them, but you never met them face to face though it felt like you all knew each other well already

as expected, childe’s family welcomed you with open arms and childe’s younger siblings were already begging you and childe to play with them and skate with them on the frozen lake a little ways away from the family home

you and childe gave in pretty quickly (as if there was any resistance at all) and you found yourself lacing up an old pair of skates childe’s mother gave you and wobbling on the ice with your fiance and his siblings

“Ouch!” you huffed as you tumbled onto the ice for what felt like the umpteenth time, and Childe had the audacity to laugh as he helped you up.

“I take it you don’t have a lot of skating experience.”

“Really?” you asked him dryly. “How could you tell?”

He just laughed again and took both of your hands in his, sliding to a stop in front of you and turning so he faced you. “Show off.”

“It’s easy when you get the hang of it, promise,” he said, starting to slowly skate backwards and pull you along with him. Tonia, Teucer, and Anthon whizzed by, the force of their speedy skating nearly knocking you off balance. You tripped into your fiance’s arms and he said, “Well, it seems like you’ve fallen for me.”

You made a face and said, “Get out of here.”

He grinned at you and started his slow backwards skate again as he guided you along the perimeter of the lake. “Just like that,” he said as you mimicked his movements. Gradually, he loosened his grip on your hands until he completely let go, skating further from you and opening his arms up. “Skate towards me,” he said.

“I would if you stopped moving!”

“That’s kind of the point!”

You pouted at him before focusing on your own movements, falling into the hypnotizing rhythm of skating and gliding. Before you knew it, you were sliding easily into Childe’s open arms, which he folded around your waist. “You’re a natural,” he said.

“I had a good teacher,” you replied, smiling at him. He leaned in and kissed you, which earned disgusted whining from Teucer and Anthon, and a squeal from Tonia.

When you broke apart, Childe stroked your cheek with a cold hand and said, “I’m glad you’re here.”

You pressed your face into his hand. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

[dearestaeneas]

You Were A Good Girl.

I won’t apologize. I imagine you’ve heard enough of that by now.

What more is there to apologize for?

For lying to you?

…

Were you scared?

I’ve always wondered that. Did you know what was being done to you? Did you understand?

Were you too good of a girl to care?

…

Were you angry?

You had every right to be. You have every right to still be angry.

…

No, I don’t think you were. I don’t think you were scared, either.

I don’t think I can believe those things.

I don’t think I can let myself imagine you alone in that shuttle. I don’t think I can imagine you crying.

…

I have a dog. She cries a lot.

(About nothing, mind you.)

People talk about dogs barking with accents. They wonder if a dog in Russia and a dog in the US could possibly understand one another.

I don’t think I would have understood your accent. I don’t think I would have understood if it was different from, say, a black dog with a purple tongue from New York who hates when you make her wear her little cowboy hat.

(Even though it’s so cute.)

To me, you’d probably sound just like her.

…

I think you were brave.

I choose to believe you even understood. I choose to believe you weren’t afraid.

I choose to not imagine how you must have sounded crying in that shuttle.

…

Does anyone ever thank you?

Did you take it as an insult when the scientists said we didn’t learn enough to justify your sacrifice?

Your death wasn’t for nothing.

Did you know you were the first living creature to be launched into Earth’s orbit?

The first!

Do you know how many got to come home because of you?

You were our church grim. You made it safe for the rest of us.

It’s true- we didn’t learn enough to justify your death. We’ve yet to learn anything to make it worth it.

But that doesn’t mean we’re ungrateful.

…

Are you having fun?

If the Earth looks like a big blue ball, I wonder what the rest look like.

Did you have a favorite?

Do you still?

Maybe you preferred stars. What do constellations look like from up there?

…

……

I don’t think you were angry.

I think you knew you were loved.

Kissing your nose was the last thing they did for you, and for people like me, so long after, we think of that as one of the few times you were so openly loved in your lifetime.

I find that presumptuous.

A little street dog like you? I’ve seen the photos- I know how cute you were.

Did people give you food? Scratches? Did you ever see children on the street playing and join them? What names did they call you? Did they call you ‘baby’? ‘Puppy’?

You had a life before fame. Why would I assume it was without love?

…

I said I wouldn’t apologize.

Maybe that’s the final lie anyone could tell you.

I’m sorry, Laika.

I hope you’re having fun.

[jessequinones]

Writing Trope: Magically changing your POC characters.

You might not realise this, but if there’s a POC character on screen then there’s a good chance the character won’t stay themselves for the entirety of the story. Don’t believe me? Here are a few examples.

Princess and the Frog: The main character turns into a frog

Soul: The main character turns into a soul

Coco: The main character nearly turns into a skeleton

Brother Bear: The main character turns into a bear

The Emperor's New Groove: The main character turns into a lama instead of being dead.

You get my point, yes these are all Disney/Pixar-related stories but the point still stands, it’s a very common trope.

You might be asking yourself, why is this a thing and honestly...I don’t have a good answer for you. It’s almost the same question as “why does every black superhero have lighting powers?” It’s a common trope that again, not many people understand where it came from or why it’s a thing.

I think I might have an idea but it’s only a theory though. I think this is one of those situations where white people try not to be racist but instead create a racist character anyway and for this example, I’m going to be looking at Pixar’s movie, Soul.

If you’re a person of colour and a writer you might’ve gotten the good old. “How do I write a black character?”

“I don’t write black characters because I don’t want to accidentally become racist.”

“I just find it easier to write stories about fictional animals instead of humans because I don’t want to be racist.”

I discovered that young writers are afraid to create people of colour because they think they're going to get “cancelled” or get called out for being racist and in order to avoid the uneasiness about writing a person of colour, they make the character transform into literally anything else. This way the writer gets the benefit of no longer writing a black character but instead a [blank] one, all the while still having a black person on the diversity checklist because said character started off as black.

In the movie Soul, the main character doesn’t even stay in their own body for ten minutes before getting swapped by a white woman and in a way...that was kind of blackface the more I think about it.

While yes, there was one black writer (Kemp Powers) to help write Soul, there were two other writers who were white. One of them had been with Pixar since Toy Story. So, it’s safe to assume in the pecking order for who was in charge of creating the story, it was most likely a white person with Kemp being there to help do touch-ups. (Pure speculation).

I’ve seen countless white people try to “avoid” being racist by creating characters which are extremely black-coded but for some reason aren’t considered black because said character doesn’t have a black skin tone and the thing is, if you’re trying to avoid writing a POC because you don’t feel comfortable writing them, then you need to ask yourself, why? Why are you uncomfortable adding a person of colour to your story and why do you think people of colour are these weird foreign concepts you’ll never understand?

We’re not asking you to write a POC story, no. We just want you to add us to your story because we exist.

If you’re going to add a person of colour in your story, maybe don’t change them midway through, because I think it might come across as you’re trying to avoid writing us, by changing us into something you’re more comfortable with and we don’t want to be changed, we like ourselves for who we are.

[shipmistress9]

Made to Order - 5

Previous Chapter

AO3

The next few weeks fly by in a blur. At least three times a week, Violet stops by my shop, to see more samples of the flowers we make. It’s just an excuse of course, merely a justification to meet her again regularly, and I think she must have seen through it by now. But if she did, she never mentions it.

Her visits are never repetitive. Sometimes, she only stays for half an hour, her lunch break, and sometimes, she spends a good portion of her free day here. Sometimes, Liam is here as well and he jokes around, making all three of us laugh. Sometimes, it’s just the two of us, which makes the conversations softer, more real. Sometimes, she brings a book and reads, mostly when I’m busy finishing a cake in time, and she’s just content with being here. What always stays the same, though, is her generally good mood and the cup of hot chocolate I prepare for her without asking first by now.

We also talk a lot. Sometimes, I sit with her for a while, as long as I can afford it, and sometimes, we call through the entire shop when I’m preparing some dough or filing. We talk about everything, books and movies and music we enjoyed, things we despise, about things we experienced and things we dream of. I learn that she only recently returned from working abroad for six months, and I tell her of the time Liam played a prank on our father, making it seem like some evil creatures were messing with his paperwork.

And with every time I see her, I fall more for her. How could I not when she’s the smartest and funniest and just straight up most fucking brilliant woman I’ve ever met? When her smiles bewitch me time and time again, when her laughter is haunting me in my dreams. When my mind keeps wandering and wondering about what it would feel like to kiss her.

It’ll all end with her wedding day, but this is a truth I try not to think about too much. Which is easy as, aside from talking about the cake, neither of us ever brings it up.

. o O o .

“Okay, I’m ready,” Violet says, making herself comfortable in what by now became her place in my alcove sitting area. “I only had some vegetable sticks for lunch, and I’m starving.”

Chuckling, I place our usual cups of hot chocolate in front of her. “That’s a shame, really. If you just gulp down all the cakes then you won’t even know how they tasted.”

She wrinkles her nose, looking incredibly cute while doing so. “Guess I should show some restraint then. Or this whole tasting will have been for nothing.” She grins and I grin back on reflex. Interacting with her became so simple by now. Easy as breathing.

I leave her again to get the plate with the taste samples I prepared for her, and when I return, her eyes are growing wide.

“Oh, wow!” She stares literally with her mouth hanging open. “That’s… a lot of cake.”

I only allow myself a tiny smile at her reaction, even though inwardly, I’m grinning like an idiot. There are eight mini cakes on this plate, definitely more than I would usually choose for a tasting. But I long since gave up on pretending she’s just another customer. She is special to me, whether I want it or not. I keep reminding myself that she’ll marry in less than a month, but the words have lost their bite by now. As if they’re not real, just a dark cloud in the distance.

“Well, you only need to taste them all. Afterwards, I can help finish them off.” I hold up two cake forks.

Violet’s eyes gleam with mirth as she reaches for one, then glances down at the cakes in front of her. “Okay, these look absolutely delicious.” She pulls out a pen and a sheet of paper, a copy of the list she gave me a couple of weeks ago. “So, what are all of these?”

My lips twitch at how prepared she came. Violet, I’ve learned by now, is nothing if not organised. “I picked five variations directly from your list, those with the names behind them as I assume those are their favourites?” Violet nods. “Right so we have red velvet cake for Cianna,” I begin to explain, pointing at the according cake. “Black Forest cake for Dain, marzipan for Amber, vanilla strawberry for Nyra, and lemon cheesecake again for Dain.”

“That would be Dain’s father,” Violet explains, probably because she noticed my frown at her fiancé having two cakes on this list. “Dain Aetos senior.”

She wrinkles her nose again, more annoyed this time, and I stifle my comment about that man apparently being rather convinced of himself. Violet’s gaze switches to the other three cakes, then throws me a questioning look. “And what about these?”

“These are my additions. Not from the list but still some I think you should try. The first is a variation of the lemon cheesecake, with extra blueberries. Which elevates the taste immensely, in my opinion.” And adds a beautiful violet colour once the cake is cut, but I'm not saying that out loud. Instead, I point at the next slice. “This is chocolate cake. An old family recipe and a general customer favourite. And the last one… Well, let’s just say I have a gift of guessing which filling is someone’s favourite. And since this one wasn’t on the list, and you didn’t have a favourite there anyway, I thought you should try it.”

At that, Violet raises one eyebrow at me, but her lips quickly twitch back into a smile. “I’m already picking everything about the cake, so no need to put my favourite on the list when I can just choose what tastes best, anyway. Besides, who said mine isn’t among these already?”

I lift my hands in defeat. “Fair enough.”

She gives me another mockingly scrutinising glare, then turns her attention back to the cakes. “Well, then let’s get to it, then.”

She starts at the beginning with the red velvet cake, and I fight not to let it get to me as she moans at the feathery texture and taste, her eyes even fluttering shut in bliss. Fuck, I’ll never be able to get rid of this image again. “Oh, wow!” she exclaims. “This is… wow! I don’t know what to say. You really made this cake yourself?”

“Of course, I did.” I shake my head, snorting, even though I only have to act being offended a little bit. “What did you expect? That I run this shop just because I have nothing better to do?”

Her eyes fly open wide, and she almost chokes on the cake in her mouth. “No, that’s… I didn’t mean it like that. I just… I don’t know. It didn’t really register that you’re a baker until now. Seems too ordinary for someone like you.”

I frown, about to ask what she means, but she already turned her attention to the next cake, so I let it slide.

This time, for the Black Forest cake, she doesn’t seem quite as convinced, though. “Something’s not right?” Did I mess something up?

But Violet shakes her head. “No, no, it’s fine. Perfect, I guess. I just really don’t like cherries in cakes. And I forgot for a hot second that those would be in there.”

I frown again, but this time, I don't swallow the question. “Why was it on the list when you don’t even like it?”

“It’s Dain’s favourite,” she shrugs, as if that’s a good enough excuse. Then she turns, somewhat talking to the cake directly. “But I’m sorry, Dainy-bear. You said I have free rein over the cake, so this is off the list.”

I press my lips together not to laugh out loud. Her antics are brilliant.

“I’m sorry,” Violet sighs. “I should have told you beforehand that I’m not the biggest fan of this cake. And…” She grimaces. “It’s even worse with marzipan. I’m sure your cake is amazing, but I hate marzipan.”

“That’s okay.” I let my own fork sink into the juicy cake. “Means there’s more for me.” And I mean it. I don’t mind that I made these cakes for nothing. I didn’t expect her to pick those, anyway.

That her Dain put them on the list regardless of her tastes is another matter. But I try to push my emotions down by reminding myself that she’s obviously happy and not troubled by her upcoming wedding anymore. If this is what she wants, then I really have no grounds to interfere.

The next couple of cakes are more to her taste again. According to her, the vanilla strawberry cake is delicious, though maybe a bit simple for a wedding cake, and I wholeheartedly agree. The lemon cheesecake seems to be her favourite so far, even though she’s visibly reluctant to agree with her future father-in-law despite him never knowing about it. And her little smirk when she cuts the lemon blueberry cheesecake tells me that she instantly made the connection about the colour.

“Okay, but these blueberries,” she mumbles with her mouth still half full of cake. “They really make a difference for the taste. The fresh sour aroma of the lemons with the sweet cheesecake is already so good, but combined with the fine acidness of the blueberry, it’s just perfect.”

Fighting my smirk, I accept that rational and perfectly accurate explanation for why, obviously, the version with blueberries is better.

“Okay, these were great.” Violet sighs contentedly, making a few notes onto her paper. “But what’s the deal with this chocolate cake?”

A sly smile tugs at my lips and I give her an offhanded shrug. “Give it a try.”

She throws me a bemused glance and I watch closely for her reaction as she puts the fork into her mouth. As her eyes widen as she chews, as she glances down with a puzzled frown and quickly takes another bite. This never gets old.

“By Amari,” she mutters. “This… this is….” She takes a third bite and lets out a sweet little moan that I’ll probably never get out of my head again. “This isn’t just a chocolate cake,” she exclaims, staring at me. “I mean… it is? But it’s by far the best chocolate cake I’ve ever had. It’s so… rich? Is that the word? How did you do that?”

My chest swells, at her praises but even more at her clear delight. “Sorry, can’t tell you that. As I said, it’s a recipe I learned from my grandma. A secret recipe.” I wink at her.

Violet snorts. “Okay, fair enough. But I get why this is a customer favourite. It’s fantastic.”

“It really is.” I take a bite for myself, and give myself a moment to just enjoy the taste. “It’s my favourite, too, by the way. So, does it make it onto your list?” I point at her paper.

When I look up, though, Violet is watching me with a weird expression on her face, but quickly turns her attention back to the cakes. “Ah, no, sadly not. It’s fantastic, but Dain isn’t a big fan of chocolate cake. I’ll just have to enjoy it while I can.” She takes another bite, a funny little smile playing around her lips.

She looks so damn pretty when she smiles.

I also take another bite. Apparently, we’re just finishing this cake off directly, and I’m certainly not complaining. “He doesn’t like chocolate cake? What does he think is the basis for Black Forest cake?” Is he one of those guys who's ‘too manly’ to enjoy something as simple as chocolate cake? If so, he’s an even bigger idiot than I thought.

“But it’s not pure chocolate cake?” Violet tries to explain, but then shrugs. “Honestly, I don’t know. There’s certainly more to Black Forest cake than just the chocolate. The cherries, for example.” She shudders.

Yep, her Dain is an idiot.

“Then he and all the guests will have to miss out on this cake. Their loss.”

“You’re not exactly suffering from a too small ego, are you?” She throws me another grin.

I snort. “When it comes to my grandma’s chocolate cake? Certainly not.” We exchange another look, then we both burst out laughing. It’s so easy to joke around with her, so simple. Natural, even.

“Okay, one cake left,” Violet eventually says, returning back on topic. “Will you tell me now what it is, at least? Or do I have to go into this one blind?” She eyes the last cake with the nondescript white frosting with a suspicious look.

I hum, pondering, but where’s the point in keeping her in the dark for a few more seconds? “It’s raspberry mascarpone.” I can’t even say what it is or how it works. But sometimes, I get these distinct impressions about which cake would fit someone. And so far, I never missed.

Violet suddenly goes very quiet, though. “Raspberry mascarpone?” she almost whispers, every hint of a smile wiped off her face as she gazes down at the cake.

Unusually tense at her sudden mood change, I watch her cut a piece, slowly, and bring it to her mouth. What’s up with her? Is there something wrong with this kind of cake? Did I make a mistake there? It even seems like her hand is trembling, too.

Violet chews quietly, her eyes vacant. Then her lower lip starts to tremble and a moment later, tears roll down her cheeks. “Ah, shoot. Sorry.” She quickly wipes them away. “That was…” She trails off, shaking her head.

“N-no, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” Even though I have no idea what just happened. “Is… everything okay?”

Violet sniffs, but a small smile returns to her face. “Yeah, it’s fine. I just… wasn’t expecting this.”

Chewing my lips, I ponder what to do. I know I probably should let it rest. But when have I ever listened to that voice of reason when it comes to her? “And what was it? If I may ask.”

She swallows, absentmindedly eating another bite. “It’s… my dad. He died when I was very young. I only have a few memories of him, but one of the most vivid ones is how he always used to make what he called desert breakfast on the Sundays my mum wasn’t home. Probably to distract us from thinking about where else she might be.”

Right, she’d mentioned she grew up in a military family.

“And this is what he always made for me. Raspberries with mascarpone. Not in a fancy cake like this, but… it tasted just like this.” She sniffles again, but with a smile this time. “So you really don’t have to apologise. In fact, I should be thanking you—” she laughs, short but true. “—for essentially giving me a Ratatouille moment.”

“Well, I guess you’re welcome then,” I reply, trying to ignore how my heart is brimming with happiness for her. “So, which one would you like for your big cake?” I ask to change the topic back to something more sober. For her and for my sake alike. “The raspberry mascarpone then?”

Violet takes a moment to think about it, but then shakes her head. “No, I don’t think so. This is… I don’t know. Too personal for this huge event.”

I nod, understanding, even though this again makes me resent her Dain. Her wedding day should be special, dammit. Having this cake as a reminder of her dead father could be a comfort, maybe a way of having him there with her. But instead, it seems like she doesn’t really care much about their big party at all, this memory of her father too precious to sully it with this show of appearance.

“I think…” Her gaze roams over the other cakes. “I think the lemon cheesecake is the best choice. Also, this will make the Colonel happy, that the cake he so graciously pays for is exactly to his liking. Now, do we use the version with or without the blueberries?” She ponders, eating another piece from each cake.

I hesitate, but ultimately can’t hold back. “If I may make a suggestion?”

“Sure!” She looks up at me expectantly, her usual happy smile back on her face. I’m happy to see it again, but equally happy that I got to see her tears, as well. That she opened up to me.

I quickly focus on the cakes again. “If you pick the one with blueberries, it would also fit the decoration. You and Liam decided on purple orchids as the highlights, right?”

“Yes!” Violet straightens. “Do you think he could match the colour to this blueberry cake?”

“He’d be offended you even asked that,” I snort. “Well, since I’ll be making the cake after he makes the flowers, the hue would vary, I guess. But normal people wouldn’t notice much of a difference.”

Violet giggles; Liam’s and my squabbling is always good to make her laugh. “Then that’s settled. Lemon blueberry cheesecake it is.”

“Perfect!” I don’t need to put this into her order form, not directly, at least. As if I would forget anything when it comes to her. As if I could…

We finish off the cakes, talking about this and that again. I take over the marzipan, leaving the Black Forest cake for when Liam comes home from his classes tonight. Meanwhile, Violet visibly enjoys her raspberry mascarpone cake, and I make a mental note to always have at least some tartlets with this filling conveniently lying around for her. She deserves a treat for all the crap her fiancé puts her through.

“Mmmhh, I really could get used to this,” she sighs as we share the other cakes. “Not for every day, or I won’t fit into my dress anymore. Let alone any other clothes.” She chuckles. “But just… getting to eat such delicious cakes every now and then, just because and without any special occasion.”

“You’re welcome to stop by anytime you want, you know?” I lean forward for a piece of chocolate cake, the one closest to her, but this time do not retreat.

Shit, am I flirting with her? I shouldn’t be doing that. But I also shouldn’t have said that in the first place. It’s too big an opening for her to worm her way deeper into my life. And yet, I don’t regret it. I know it’s stupid, but I want her to stop by, to keep stopping by even after her wedding.

“Maybe I will,” Violet hums, smiling in a way that’s hard to interpret. “Just to get more of these delicious treats.” She mimics me, picking some of the red velvet cake and not leaning back again.

“Not that I would prepare those for you specifically,” I lie. “Just to use up any left-overs.”

“Of course,” she smirks, as if seeing right through me. “But I don’t mind any left-overs if they taste like this.”

She manoeuvres another piece of strawberry cake into her mouth, and I’m having a hard time looking away. Fuck me, that mouth. In an attempt to regain at least some composure, I get some more cake on my fort as well, no idea which one I picked, and aim for my mouth without taking my eyes off her—and miss spectacularly. There’s enough on my lips to know it was the lemon cheesecake, but most of it landed right next to my mouth, right in my face.

For a moment, we just stare at each other, the absurdity of the moment feeling like time has stopped. And then we burst out laughing. I should probably feel embarrassed and there’s a hit of it, too, in a distant corner of my mind. But how could I feel bad about something that makes her laugh so beautifully, makes her eyes sparkle like this.

“Just great,” I snort, reaching for a napkin. “How to make an utter fool of yourself without even saying one word.”

“At least the mouth was involved.” Violet watches me clean up, her mouth hidden behind her conveniently placed hand. “But I don’t know about the utter fool. Some could say it’s endearing, not being perfect all the time.” Her eyes gleam with mirth, and I snort, shaking my head at her.

She doesn’t mean it, not like that. She can’t.

I put the napkin down, fighting to keep my thoughts straight. “I’m far from perfect. Right now, I’m trying to think of something to say to save my dignity, and come up entirely empty.”

She chuckles. “No matter what you say, with that bit of frosting still on your face, your dignity is screwed.”

I really am making a fool of myself. “I missed something? Shit.” I reach for another napkin, but she beats me to it, standing up to lean over and bring her hand to my face.

“Yeah, right here.”

With her palm on my cheek, her thumb wipes at a spot right below the corner of my mouth. And I freeze. Her touch, while soft, sends a shock through my body, so much more intense than that first little brush of fingers so many weeks ago. I can’t breathe, can only stare at her face, so much closer to mine than ever before. I gaze into her eyes, even prettier from up close if that’s possible, seeing the equal surprise about our sudden proximity mirrored there. Inhale her surprisingly floral scent, as if it’s trying to make good on her name. If I only do so much as lean in a tiny bit, I could kiss her, and right now, I don’t know whether I have the strength to pull away.

Without my help, my eyes drop down to her lips, shimmering with that pearly sheen, and my own lips part on their own accord. My heart’s beating like a riot of dragon wings, my breathing shallow and quick, and if my senses don’t betray me completely, she fares little better. Letting out the tiniest of sweet noises, Violet’s eyes fall closed and she leans in even further.

And I can’t fight it anymore.

I move to breach the last distance between us, to surrender to my failure and give in to what I desire most—when a tiny light startles me. I don’t know where it came from, maybe a car driving by and throwing a random ray of late sunshine into my shop. Only to get caught and reflected on her hand.

On the stone in her cheap engagement ring.

Sucking in a harsh breath, I pull back, all but jumping out of my seat. Getting as far away from her, from the temptation, as possible.

“I-I’m sorry,” I gasp, looking anywhere but at her. “That was…”

But I don’t get to finish the sentence. Because before I can utter even one more word, Violet runs out of the shop, the door falling shut behind her.

. o O o .

AN: Uh oh... That was close... 😶

I'm not entirely sure yet whether the end of this story fits into one chapter or whether it's goign to end up getting split again. Knowing me probably the latter. 😅 On another note, I have Violet's backstory about what happens here loosely written out. Should I add it at the end, maybe as an epilogue where the tells Xaden about it? 🤔

Next Chapter

[thewatercolours]

I have two prompts in mind.... don't feel obligated to do both:

-Rosella and Gwendolyn finding common ground/bonding over their love for adventure

-Graham and the guards are attempting to give Triumph a bath, how it ends is up to you

I went with the first one. :-)

-

“Hey. Gwendolyn. What are all the scraps for? Quilting? Didn’t put you down as the sort.”

“Patches.” “Like for patching up clothes, or like Wedzel Wolf Watch patches?”

“Clothes.”

“Oh, good stuff. You know, if you need someone to show you the ropes, my boy Gart’s a bit clever at mending a tear. He’s had more than one quest that took him through the thorn barrier at Deepmerrick, and he couldn’t very well g–”

“No mending. It’s for a disguise. Sort of.”

“Really? What kind of disguise are you aiming for?”

“Well, I figure I haven’t traveled much through Daventry, except for the route we always take from the Green Isles. So not too many people know my face. Once they crown me, that’ll change. So I have to do the sneak missions now. And since I’m going to be queen, I figured I could be the opposite.”

“A king?”

“No! A peasant!”

“Ah.” 

“So I need patches. I’ve got this old beat up vest with a hood, and some raggedy pants in my room. But they’re not really beat up, and I want them to last anyway. But if I stick a few patches on them, maybe.”

“Wow. Sounds comfy, I’m kind of jealous. I never got patches for my peasant disguise.”

“Your peasant disguise?”

“Apparently the fairy idea of your average, salt of the earth peasant is a red wool dress with a black corset - and they both did up at the back. I mean, it’s not like I had anything else to wear on that quest, but still. I just about dislocated my shoulder trying to get at fasteners. Oh, and hair in two crazy long braids. I guess everyone would have automatically assumed I was a princess if Genesta hadn’t given me hair extensions.”

“How come I’ve never heard this story?”

“You must have! The time when I won the magic fruit? And saved my dad’s life? And met my husband first time? I’m 100% sure I told you a couple of summers ago. And if I didn’t, I bet your grandparents told you.”

“Oh, I’ve heard it for sure. But none of you mentioned you were undercover!”

“Well, we princesses need a bit of strategy, don’t we? Especially when we’re going solo. It wasn’t my idea anyway. But it was a pretty good one. I always kept some old clothes in the chest at the bottom of my bed after that, just in case. Because the fairy turned my peasant look back into a royal gown afterward.”

“What did your new disguise look like?”

“Uh… A red dress and a black belt.”

“Ha! Knew you wouldn’t have told me all that about how it looked unless you actually thought you looked cool.”

“Okay, sure, I don’t care who knows. I went on at least twenty adventures in that look, and I rocked it. I did chop my hair again, though. After I’d tried it out for a bit.”

“Have you still got it?”

“The hair? No, that would be gross. Although I wouldn’t have put it past Edgar to hang on to one of those braids for a keepsake, back then. Your uncle’s a really old-fashioned romantic, and he did weird things like that all the time.”

“No! Your disguise!”

“Oh, I haven’t seen it in years. Probably wouldn’t fit anymore.”

“Hm. You got any other old clothes?”

“What?”

“‘Cause I’ve got lots of scraps for patches. And now you don’t have to train Gart to be king, so… Maybe you’ll have a little extra time these days? You can say no.”

“Well. Hm. Theoretically I’d have to check my calendar and make arrangements with the staff before heading out for anything daring. But… as you say, you’re going to be crowned soon. And then you won’t be a princess anymore. And I don’t think either of us grew up with the luxury of a fellow princess in the house for epic quests. So we’d better make the most of it, young lady.”

“And it helps to have a bit of strategy, even when you’re not going solo.”

“Right you are. You know, Gwendolyn, I’m starting to think your cousin didn’t give me the full and accurate story on you. All right. Two can sew patches quicker than one. Come on!”

[yeehawbvby]

Falling Away With You | Ch. 49

Sebastian x F!Reader and M. Rasmodius x F!Reader

Rating: Mature/Explicit

Chapter Summary: Time to use The Shrine(tm)

Author’s Note: n/a

Table of Contents + Work Summary

Check it out on ao3!

Prev | Next (<- links to ao3 for a note!! If you want to skip that, click here <3)

Shane was right. I was about to cry. As soon as I stepped outside the tears started falling. I had planned to go grab some groceries from Pierre’s and visit Robin to ask a few questions about installing barns and whatnot, but instead I just went to Cindersap and wandered around until I could calm down enough to face anyone again. 

In the moment, assaulting a bootlicking Joja cog with some coffee and sass felt so freeing. Afterwards… I can’t help but think, why did I do that? I’ve never really snapped at anyone before, and the first time I do it’s a total stranger? Even if he is a dick, and even if maybe he did deserve it for whatever reason, I still can’t help but feel guilty.

Don’t even know if I’ll ever be able to face Morris again. I guess I won’t be visiting Sam there anymore.

As I pad through the crunchy fallen leaves, sniffling up a storm between sips of coffee due to the emotions and chilly air, I just try to focus on what’s ahead in an attempt to relax a bit. 

Like, Spirit’s Eve is gonna be a blast. I’ve got that going for me at least. I’ll have a chance to meet that shadow person Magnus is friends with too. I absentmindedly gain a little pep in my step as I remember that Seb’s and Magnus’ birthday are both in the coming months. I wonder if they’ll want to do anything special. 

I check my phone and see a wall of texts from Sam:

Sam > HEY. I snuck out for a bathroom break bc omg Sam > u were so real for that Sam > like holy crud. I’ve always wanted to give morris even a *little* bit of shit and u just did it ur first time meeting the guy

There are a few more messages, all exclaiming about how awesome he thinks I am. It’s just as endearing as it is embarrassing.

I quickly reply to lie and say it wasn’t a big deal and that it’s whatever and that I’m fine, not-lie to promise him we’ll hang out for real soon, and apologize for his lack of a coffee. I then decide to go to Magnus’ a bit early. Maybe he and Seb can distract my nerves, and if not I can at least fill them in on what happened.

I begin nearing Tony Remington Trash Bear. Haven’t seen this fella in ages. He notices me and sniffs in my direction while chewing today’s dish. Looks like a stuffed pumpkin… where does he get these things?

I wave at him, and wonder — now knowing he’s an elemental — if he can communicate with me. 

As far as I can tell, though, there’s not a single thought besides his next meal behind those eyes. Good for him, if true!

I slow down and try to speak to him, tentatively holding out my cup. “Uh… I don’t know if you understand me, but d-do you want some coffee?” He glimpses at the cup and I add, “I’ve had, like, half, and it’s cold now, but…” followed by a very meek shrug. 

Tony sniffs a little louder and turns away. 

“Oh. Sorry.” Guess he doesn’t like coffee.

I take a few more steps. He looks at me again. I stop again, and stare back for a moment before waving. 

He waves back oh my fucking god before turning back to his food.

Yoba, Spirits, whoever, what ever, please let this be a sign that today can turn up from here.

My pace becomes brisk as I try to make it to Magnus’ tower faster. I’ve gotta tell him and Seb that there’s a slim chance I actually can communicate with animals, even if they can’t communicate back in a way I can understand. 

I wonder if I can learn that. Like, animal-speaking potions or spells have to be a real thing, no?

And, like, with Cannoli, I assumed he could roughly get the gist of whatever I say because out bond. What if I’ve actually been talking to him in a way he can comprehend for months now?

…What if I can, like, translate frogs for Seb someday? 

Oh. 

Oh my fuck—

I feel giddy at the thought and do a little shimmy to work out my energy. I know if I start jogging in lieu that I’ll probably just trip on a fallen branch or acorn or something — the ground is too covered in leaves for me to see what’s beneath them, save for a few long weeds.

I make it to the tower quicker than I’d anticipated. Outside the door I stomp some mud off my boots, and while stepping in, I hear hushed speaking from the main room. I don’t say anything, not wanting to interrupt if something is important going on. Quietly so as to not disturb them, I remove my coat and shoes and pad through the doorway, sipping my sweet drink.

I stop in my tracks and nearly choke on the coffee at the view before me:

Magnus and Seb are facing each other, their bodies parallel to the side walls and nearest the far end of the cauldron. I can see some of Seb’s face and all of Magnus’. 

Seb got his ears pierced! The red studs — I guess they were safe to use, after all — are just barely visible from my view, resting above his gauges. Not sure about the other ear, but he has crossed industrials on this one as well now. 

Now, I can’t tell if his ears are pink from swelling or from blush, but it could be both, given how closely Magnus is observing him. Magnus’ hand is tilting Seb’s face up, and he’s heavily inspecting his piercings with a slight flush on his own cheeks, as well as rosy eyes. Only god knows if it’s because of the contact he’s engaging in, or because of how much cooler Seb looks with his new jewelry.

As Magnus tilts Seb the other way, I’m at first ready to assume that Seb did get a few piercings on his other ear too, until I see Magnus practically cupping the younger man’s face. His lips are slightly curled upward and moving but I can barely hear a word he’s saying. The only sound that registers in my ears is the smooth, bassy reverberation of his baritone voice. A breathy laugh comes from Seb in response. 

My heart stutters at the thought that they’re, like, gonna fucking kiss or something, until Magnus drop’s his hands, crossing them against his ribs. It’s only as Seb mimics the motion that I notice they’re both wearing black sweaters, both with their sleeves rolled to their elbows. 

A Sebastian cosplay convention.

SebbyCon… SebCon? SebastiCon???

No. Shut up.

I make my presence a little more known as I clear my throat and approach my partners, unable to contain the shit-eating grin plastered on my face. Magnus looks over and smiles wide at my presence, seemingly oblivious to how ~scandalous~ that interaction appeared. Seb turns to do the same, more focused on giving me his own silly, smug look.

Whoa. On the ear opposite from the one I had a slight view of, Seb has a triple helix now, as well as a fucking nose piercing, all alongside his red lobe piercing. I can’t hide how frickin’ stoked I am for these, god he pulls it all off so well!

Ignoring their hellos, I scurry closer, my eyes and smile wide as I place my cup on the counter nearby to take Seb’s face in my hands, basically doing the same thing Magnus just did. 

“Holy shit, dude!”

“You like ‘em?” he laughs.

I reposition Seb so he’s got no choice but to look directly at me. “I feel feral.”

“Oh my,” Magnus laughs while he observes us.

Still holding Seb’s face, I turn to look at and giggle with the elemental. 

Seb brings my attention back by placing a hand on mine and using the other to draw my face to his, dipping down for a quick smooch amidst his smiling. “You’re here early. I just showed up a few minutes ago.”

I nod, pressing my forehead to Seb’s chest and wrapping my arms around him. As he hugs back, I explain, “Rough day.”

Drawing nearer to place a hand against my spine, right above Seb’s hands, Magnus asks, “Did your plans to visit Samson fall through?”

I chuckle, muttering quietly about how formal and old he sounds, and give Seb an extra little squeeze before turning to hug Magnus. “No, I saw him,” I mutter as his arms envelop me. “I, uh,” I press my cheek to Magnus and to get a better view of Seb, “I poured coffee on his boss.”

“What?!” Magnus says, his voice sounding awfully incredulous, albeit amused. The shock is deserved, to be fair. Again. Never really done something like that.

Seb, as I had hoped and predicted, looks so goddamn proud of me. “Deliberately?” I nod. “Holy shit, you badass!”

“Y’know,” I observe, “people keep saying that, but I cried about it the second I stepped out of the store.”

Magnus’ hug tightens so I turn back to him, nuzzling my face into his torso as Seb asks, “Why’d you do it?”

“He was being a dick to Sam,” it’s hard to talk like this so I release myself, standing off to the side to form a little triangle between the three of us, “aaand he scolded me for having my own lil’ treat in the store with me.” I fidget my sleeves while nodding over to the coffee cup on the counter. “That was supposed to be for Sam, I was just holding it for him until Morris left, but…” I shrug.

“Arsehole...”

“Oh yeah,” Seb agrees with Magnus, “the dude sucks. I never really see Sam on the clock anymore just to avoid him.”

“We’ve gotta get him out of there,” I mutter, making my way back to the coffee. I chug the rest before tossing it in the bin nearby. 

In the meantime, Seb counters, “Dude’s stuck. He’s not going anywhere anytime soon.”

“Bummer…”

“Mm,” Magnus simply hums. He barely knows who Sam is, this is probably uncomfy for him.

I meet the taller man’s eyes. “Shrine?”

“Of course.” 

Magnus and I start making our way across the room, but I stop when I notice that Seb isn’t following. I turn around and notice that he already has a book in hand. “You coming?”

“Nah,” he responds, seeming to search for a certain page in particular. “I’ll be fucking with some potions while you do that.”

“Boooo,” I pout. He tosses up a middle finger with a playful glare, and I throw the gesture right back. “If I don’t, like, die, I guess I’ll see you when I’m not a human anymore,” I add on.

“You better not die on me now.”

“No promises!” I announce as I make my way over to Magnus, who’s patiently waiting by the doorway.

His nose scrunches and brows furrow while he grins, as though he’s holding back a laugh, but I don’t mind the scrutiny; I’m too busy admiring the way his crow’s feet deepen, complementing the sparkle in his burgundy eyes.

Maybe it’s the spirits doing their thing again, but I can’t help but notice how happy and full of love I feel with Magnus and Seb around… how happy they seem with me, and even each other.  

Not to be a huge sap or anything, but life is so fucking beautiful, sometimes. 

“You won’t die, my heart,” he reassures me, breaking me from my train of thought.

As we make our way downstairs I ask half-jokingly, freeing myself from my stupor, “So I’ll just be horribly mangled if I don’t do things right?”

“Well…”

I look at Magnus. He’s chewing the inside of his cheek and avoiding my gaze.

Sighing, I nod. “Good to know.”

“You’re an incredible sorceress, dear. You’ll likely be just fine.”

“If I don’t fuck up, sure.” 

“It’ll be alright, I can almost guarantee it.” As we near the shrine, Magnus turns to me and walks backwards for a few steps, “Besides, just think of the results!” 

I experience a fucking war flashback as I remember him having a similar outlook on that potion he made me when we were in our early days of knowing each other. The one that had me keeled over in pain on the ground within seconds. 

“This feels familiar…” I mumble, hoping that the scene is projecting into his mind. Based on his lack of a response as he sifts through a tome, I’m assuming it didn’t work. 

When his attention is back on me, he nears my side, giving me a run-down as he magically highlights certain parts of the page he has open. I cozy myself into his side, nodding along while I try to keep up. Without halting, he wraps his corresponding arm around me, leaning into my touch.

He really is a wonderful teacher, but sometimes he goes so quickly. I get that it’s just the excitement fueling his speed though. More often than not he bears in mind that, although I fucking rock at this, apparently, it’s still kinda new to me.

After asking him to reiterate a few things — including what types of beings I can become with this thing, none of which include things with horns or tails, god damnit! — before I memorize the few lines of spell I’m to perform and step over to the center of the emblem on the floor.

Before I begin, I ask, “Wait, when you use this you like… hover, yeah?” Magnus nods. “Is it okay that I can’t do that? Do you think it’ll effect things?”

He chuckles and shakes his head, “You’ll be fine on your feet. Or your butt, or knees, or whatever you prefer, really.”

“Alright,” I sit on the ground, crossing my legs and resting my antsy hands against my thighs. “Here goes nothing.”

I don’t think I’ll ever feel comfortable reciting incantations in front of people, so I whisper it to myself, as I hear Magnus crossing the room — I assume to sit down and read or something, similarly to how I did during his transformation all that time ago — before patiently waiting for the process to take effect. 

Once I get the ball rolling, everything starts to feel weird. I feel tingly, mana exuding from every pore of my body. I keep my eyes shut so as to concentrate on the image of what I want to become more effectively, but can still see the faint illumination of an arcane light show through my closed lids. 

I’m not sure how much time passes like this. I wind up in sort of a trance-like state at some point; somewhere between being incredibly conscious of the weird sensations coursing through me, and oblivious to the fact that I even exist in my own body. It’s only whenever I stop feeling anything beyond the floor below my ass and my hands on my thighs that I realize the process must be done. 

I open my eyes slowly. They widen as I notice first the change in my clothes, then in skin color. It all looks eerily similar to what I’d racked my brain with, and I guess that’s the point, but it still startles me a bit.

I turn my palms up and around, admiring the dusty pink tint of my skin, and the way it almost shimmers with an otherworldly pearlescence under the dim glow of the basement’s lighting.

I take in the deep obsidian of my new pants — made of something soft and silky, with a high and cinched waist to counter the bagginess everywhere else — as I extend a leg outward, tracing the intricate details of the silver embroidery that climb the outer hems.

My top is also very loose, but tucked into the corset-like belt of my bottoms. It’s black; has a soft, sort of cottony in feel; and it’s void of any detail, aside from the wavy edges of its three-quarter sleeves. 

I reach my hands to my ears, which are now slightly longer and pointy, then slide my digits through my hair, which feels softer than ever. It’s thick, pin-straight, and long, reaching down to my lower back. I bring a section of it over my shoulder, observing the silvery gray it’s become.

My same earrings are in, at least from what I can feel. Similarly, my necklace from Welwick and ring from Magnus are safely on my person.

I didn’t expect the transformation to be this intense — I thought it would just change my colors around a bit, like how it did with Magnus. The clothes were wanted of course, but I didn’t think I could actually change them too. Was just feeling more hopeful about that than anything.

Damn.

I finally look up and to my left in search of Magnus. He’s sitting on the couch, one leg crossed over the other and a tome abandoned next to his lap while he awe-struckedly rakes his eyes up and down my new form, leaning up from his relaxed position.

I shoot him a big grin and his eyes widen a bit, the faint smile he had prior not leaving his face. 

“The fangs were a lovely touch,” he quietly compliments.

Fangs?! “I didn’t even know I did those.” My gaze shifts to nothing in particular while I snarl a bit, tapping my tongue to my teeth. They’re situated like vampire fangs, which is lucky, considering I’m not sure I’d be safe if they’d filled my mouth. These babies are sharp.

I bring my attention back to my partner as he stands, and I meet him halfway. Still the same height as before, which is good. Won’t draw suspicion from anyone who lives around here. 

“Is it normal for the shrine to take creative liberties like that sometimes?”

“Eh,” he shrugs. “This seems to happen more with a user who lacks experience — but if it chooses to trust you, it’ll never be an unwelcome transformation.”

I look back at the thing, shrug, and turn back.

“You’re incredible, (y/n),” Magnus grins, tilting my face up by the chin. “Did you mean to do this with your sclera as well?”

Oh hell yeah, it worked! 

I answer triumphantly, “Damn right, I did.” It makes him giggle. Makes me giggle in turn. “What color are they now?” Did it work how I wanted it to?

Looking more at my eyes than into them, he mutters, “They match your trousers quite nicely,” Fuck yes, “and your irises are lavender.” Not what I was going for, but I’ll take it! “I must say, it’s strange to see you this way, but you’re ethereal nonetheless.”

“Think it’s too much for when I go to the above-ground event?”

He tilts his head and chews the inside of his cheek while he studies me, before ultimately shaking his head. “It simply looks like you’ve a knack for makeup.”

I begin playing with and staring at my new hair again. “Thank god, this is fucking sick.” I look back up at Magnus, fingers still fiddling with my tresses. I purse my lips, swaying a little as I shyly start,  “Do I have to change back to—“

“Yes.”

“Fuck!”

He laughs, holding out a hand for me to take. “I assume you want to present your new form to Sebastian, yes?”

“Hell yeah, let’s go.”

I grab his hand and we make our way out of the room. Gazing at our inhuman skin tones locked together, I begin to feel a little self conscious. I’m probably overthinking, but I can’t stop the feeling from gnawing at me. 

“Uh…” I start, suddenly feeling kinda shy.

Magnus slows down a bit, seeming to sense my worries. That, or he read them already, but he hasn’t said anything so I can only assume he’s trying not to. 

“Do you… ever wish that I was an elemental too?” 

He slows us to a halt and I shift my vision to meet his own. The wizard looks as calm as ever, if not just a little more concerned than usual. “Of course not, my heart,” he turns to face me. “In fact, if you were one, the spirits may have never fated us together in the first place.”

That’s right, he did mention the whole soulmates thing being in favor of an elemental and human pairing. 

I nod, accepting the answer. I still feel a little weird knowing that maybe I’m more (or less, maybe?) attractive this way, but it’s not like I’m a whole new body shape or anything, so I try not to think much of it. There’s no point to it, this is only for special occasions, after all. 

“I love you,” he tacks on cheerily, as if to remind me.

Fucking dork.

“I love you too. Sorry.”

Magnus huffs out a laugh. “Why are you apologizing?!” 

“I dunno!” I join his chuckles, shaking my head. Never claimed that I’m not a dork too. “Just feels childish to ask you stuff like that, now that I’m thinking about it.”

“It’s only natural such an immense change in your appearance would cause some unease.”

“I guess…” 

He does have a point. It’s almost the same feeling as when you don’t wear as much makeup as usual, and someone comments on how sick and tired you look, regardless of your wellbeing; or when you gain or lose a noticeable amount of weight, and people make comments on how much “livelier” or “happier” or “better” you look, regardless of how good the change actually was for your health… 

Except I’m doing it to myself instead, like a dummy. 

And I haven’t even seen myself yet.

Magnus did nothing to indicate if he likes this change more or less than my original appearance. I’m sure Seb won’t either. He’ll probably just be excited to have a temporary elf girlfriend.

They both love me as I am.

I’ve gotta chill.

Ugh.

Okay. I’m good, I think. Enough spiraling.

I look up at Magnus, who’s patiently awaiting my next move. I wonder if he heard me get lost in my head for a moment there. If he did, he doesn’t say anything about it. I offer a soft smile which he reciprocates before giving my hand a squeeze. 

“Are you alright, my heart?”

“Yeah,” I nod, “let’s go.”

When Magnus and I arrive upstairs, we’re hit with a strong smell of marijuana. Seb rarely smokes here. Magnus banned cigarettes — dude hates the smell — but weed is fair game, so Seb brings it out sometimes if he’s extra stressed. Not often, but it does happen.

Must be going through it right now.

Rounding the corner, I see Seb leaning with his palms flat on the nearest countertop, with a tome opened in front of him. Around him are haphazardly placed vials and ingredients. A blunt is lazily hanging from his mouth, and the cauldron is draining behind him, as he mutters the words he reads under his breath with nearly closed lips. 

“You good?” 

Startled, Seb looks up. His eyes widen at my new appearance and the blunt falls from his mouth. He catches it before it can land anywhere though.

“Oof,” I add casually, “Nice save.”

“Nice, uh…” 

He pauses to stare for a moment, leaving the blunt hanging between two fingers like a cigarette. I gnaw my bottom lip and shift around on my feet. His intense scrutiny is flustering me.

“Hah.” Seb rubs his eyes with the digits of his free hand, then keeps them shut with his fingertips against his lids as he continues, “Can’t think of anything witty for a response.” 

His cheeks are obstructed by his large hand, but the tips of his ears are a little pink. I glimpse up at Magnus, who has a faint smile on his lips as he watches Seb’s struggle.

“I didn’t expect this, holy fuck,” the emo speaks up.

“Think it’s too much?” I shyly murmur, using my hair as a fidget again.

“God, no.” He looks up at Magnus. Then at me. Then at Magnus again, and back to me, before putting his attention back onto the book. Through a puff of smoke he mumbles, “I’ve never felt so lame in my life.”

Magnus is quick to try to halt Seb’s negative self-talk with a practical solution. “You’re more than welcome to give the shrine a whirl once you’re ready.”

“Yoba knows how long that’ll take.” Sebastian flicks the page below him. “Can’t even follow the directions laid out in front of me without messing something up.”

I nod towards Seb’s blunt, eyeing it as he puts it back between his lips. “Is that not helping as much as you wanted?” I wonder.

Seb sighs, shaking his head. “Nah, it’s helping plenty. I was ready to tear my fucking hair out before.”

“Is there anything I can assist with?” Magnus interjects.

Another head shake from Seb. “No, I wanna do this on my own.”

“At least allow me to speed this up for you,” the older wizard states more than he asks, heading to the cauldron. 

Seb turns back and nods. “Thanks, dude.” I catch how his eyes rake up and down Magnus’ body before he turns back to me and does the same. “God,” he whispers, his lashes fluttering as he subtly rolls his eyes back. Then, he rummages in the nearby cabinets for some more stuff. 

I snort. “Stressed ‘god,’ or…?” I trail off quietly.

Not sure how keen he is on Magnus knowing what gets him going, regardless of how sexually open we’ve been in conversation.

Seb tilts his head up and deadpans me. I waggle my eyebrows. He gets the gist. He nods.

“Both, then?” I confirm.

He sighs, producing a mortar and pestle. Then, he responds while he places some leaves into the thing and begins grinding ‘em down.

“Both, yeah.”